Freeze Frame!
I had a moment today.
Well, I had a huge moment yesterday to begin with. My MIL is staying with us for the summer months and we hadn't had a fight yet. Well...that changed last night. What it was about is unimportant. What it did to me, or should I say what I let it do to me was. I was so angry at her that I told her to stop being rude to me, and that her timing of her behavior sucked. I had an opening night for a show and my mind needed to be in a good place. I also needed to eat my dinner before the show and then bring plenty of water as well as my protein shake to sustain me throughout.
Well....none of the good stuff happened. I brought my salad with me but ended up having 3 or 4 bites. Did I remember the protein shake? Hell no. I was lucky to remember to bring water and to not tell her to fuck off before slamming the front door. Yeah.... not my proudest moment. I slammed my front door in anger. What I really WANTED to do what to actually punch my fist through a wall. I chose not to since I had to play piano for an orchestra that I'm contracted to for the next month.
So my weigh in today was a disaster. I gained. The last couple of nights I ate late. Last night my snack was at midnight. This morning, I had little to no water. My breakfast was 20 minutes before my weigh in. A RECIPE FOR DISASTER in the diet world.
I had a really good talk with my coach though and all will be well. It's a minor setback but she says my body will respond with a bigger loss next week. She also told me I lost another lb of body fat and I lost 1/2 an inch in my thigh and 1/2 inch in my waist! OMG! That was the reward for all the crap I have dealt with! Losses on the two most difficult parts of my body! (Yeah, I have no problems with my chest or hips!)
I went shopping at Macy's as thought I needed a new bra. Turns out, I'm the correct size which means I've been wearing too small of a bra for the last 3 years. Only now am I actually where my bra says. My current bras are shot though so it was time to buy and the best news was that my fitter said I needed less coverage as my chest is smaller. Trust me, this is good news! I hate feeling heavy up top!
So that was great news to counterbalance the bad weight gain news. The other awesome thing was that I tried on a size 12 pair of skinny pants and they FIT! That was the reward I've really been waiting for... I haven't been that small in 12 years! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
After I found those pants I decided to look around some other departments in case there was a screaming deal. I ended up in the petite department (which I technically am) and saw some things that made me think "that reminds me of that outfit I bought my mom for Xmas." and the tears started to make their way up and out. Those tears really stung because it was a huge stab in my heart - especially after having to deal with my MIL these past few months. I just wanted that one more minute, one more day with my mom again. I had a total 'OUR TOWN' moment and would have done anything for that return to my past. I was able to pull out my acting skills though and walk out of Macy's without embarrassing myself, thank goodness.
So things are better now. I ate my lunch and am enjoying a huge glass of water (always helps). I've had some great conversations with my wonderful husband and his sister to try to figure things out with my MIL. I'm saddened to think she will never change but it's the truth. What can and will change is me. I will not let her manipulate me to that place of anger again. It's not worth it. She cannot be allowed to screw up my weight loss program. That's my job. Be strong. Be brave. Be the best me.
Well, I had a huge moment yesterday to begin with. My MIL is staying with us for the summer months and we hadn't had a fight yet. Well...that changed last night. What it was about is unimportant. What it did to me, or should I say what I let it do to me was. I was so angry at her that I told her to stop being rude to me, and that her timing of her behavior sucked. I had an opening night for a show and my mind needed to be in a good place. I also needed to eat my dinner before the show and then bring plenty of water as well as my protein shake to sustain me throughout.
Well....none of the good stuff happened. I brought my salad with me but ended up having 3 or 4 bites. Did I remember the protein shake? Hell no. I was lucky to remember to bring water and to not tell her to fuck off before slamming the front door. Yeah.... not my proudest moment. I slammed my front door in anger. What I really WANTED to do what to actually punch my fist through a wall. I chose not to since I had to play piano for an orchestra that I'm contracted to for the next month.
So my weigh in today was a disaster. I gained. The last couple of nights I ate late. Last night my snack was at midnight. This morning, I had little to no water. My breakfast was 20 minutes before my weigh in. A RECIPE FOR DISASTER in the diet world.
I had a really good talk with my coach though and all will be well. It's a minor setback but she says my body will respond with a bigger loss next week. She also told me I lost another lb of body fat and I lost 1/2 an inch in my thigh and 1/2 inch in my waist! OMG! That was the reward for all the crap I have dealt with! Losses on the two most difficult parts of my body! (Yeah, I have no problems with my chest or hips!)
I went shopping at Macy's as thought I needed a new bra. Turns out, I'm the correct size which means I've been wearing too small of a bra for the last 3 years. Only now am I actually where my bra says. My current bras are shot though so it was time to buy and the best news was that my fitter said I needed less coverage as my chest is smaller. Trust me, this is good news! I hate feeling heavy up top!
So that was great news to counterbalance the bad weight gain news. The other awesome thing was that I tried on a size 12 pair of skinny pants and they FIT! That was the reward I've really been waiting for... I haven't been that small in 12 years! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
After I found those pants I decided to look around some other departments in case there was a screaming deal. I ended up in the petite department (which I technically am) and saw some things that made me think "that reminds me of that outfit I bought my mom for Xmas." and the tears started to make their way up and out. Those tears really stung because it was a huge stab in my heart - especially after having to deal with my MIL these past few months. I just wanted that one more minute, one more day with my mom again. I had a total 'OUR TOWN' moment and would have done anything for that return to my past. I was able to pull out my acting skills though and walk out of Macy's without embarrassing myself, thank goodness.
So things are better now. I ate my lunch and am enjoying a huge glass of water (always helps). I've had some great conversations with my wonderful husband and his sister to try to figure things out with my MIL. I'm saddened to think she will never change but it's the truth. What can and will change is me. I will not let her manipulate me to that place of anger again. It's not worth it. She cannot be allowed to screw up my weight loss program. That's my job. Be strong. Be brave. Be the best me.
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