Jessie
Jessie is my mom's 15 year old Shar Pei. She came home with us Monday night after the funeral home took care of the icky business of taking my mom's body away. She is completely deaf and nearly blind. She woke me up around 2 AM, wandering around, running into things, trying to eat some of her leftover dinner and drink some water.
How many times have I seen a TV show or a newscast showing the flashing lights of a fire truck, police car in front of a house? How many times have I watched a cop show, hospital/ER show or any of those reality shows on Court TV that I love so much taking you to the scene of the crime, the scene of a death, etc.? What they really don't show is the aftermath...the real mess that's left for the living to deal with. Granted, I am not dealing with a murder, an accident or cataclysmic event but I'm sitting here at 4:30 am, watching Jessie struggle with the loss of her pack leader/mother. She is searching for her, wondering where the hell she is and why are there so many little dogs around. "Who is this lady that keeps trying to feed me and who is this guy that takes me outside to do my business?" "WTF just happened to my world?"
Oh Jessie, I wish I could explain it to you but you can't hear me. I can only try to give you reassuring pats and scratches, sit with you while you rest and let you know you're not alone. I can give you shelter and love you in the best way I can but I can't replace what you just lost. You will keep wandering up and down my hallway bumping into walls and doors, slipping on the linoleum that you aren't used to and peeing on the rugs because you don't know where to find us to tell us you need to go in the middle of the night.
Jessie, I can only tell you that we were both orphaned this week. We are the last of our family and we have to just keep bumping into those walls and searching for what we lost. We have to work our way through it and grieve and know that the dawn of new day is coming. I hope we'll stop banging our heads before too long... hopefully you'll accept me and Mark as your new family and I will accept the fact that my wonderful mom is no longer here and I have to live with my memories and pray that my faith will sustain me through this incredibly dark time.
I'm here for you, Jessie. Even though I'm falling apart sometimes, I'm here. I won't let you down.
How many times have I seen a TV show or a newscast showing the flashing lights of a fire truck, police car in front of a house? How many times have I watched a cop show, hospital/ER show or any of those reality shows on Court TV that I love so much taking you to the scene of the crime, the scene of a death, etc.? What they really don't show is the aftermath...the real mess that's left for the living to deal with. Granted, I am not dealing with a murder, an accident or cataclysmic event but I'm sitting here at 4:30 am, watching Jessie struggle with the loss of her pack leader/mother. She is searching for her, wondering where the hell she is and why are there so many little dogs around. "Who is this lady that keeps trying to feed me and who is this guy that takes me outside to do my business?" "WTF just happened to my world?"
Oh Jessie, I wish I could explain it to you but you can't hear me. I can only try to give you reassuring pats and scratches, sit with you while you rest and let you know you're not alone. I can give you shelter and love you in the best way I can but I can't replace what you just lost. You will keep wandering up and down my hallway bumping into walls and doors, slipping on the linoleum that you aren't used to and peeing on the rugs because you don't know where to find us to tell us you need to go in the middle of the night.
Jessie, I can only tell you that we were both orphaned this week. We are the last of our family and we have to just keep bumping into those walls and searching for what we lost. We have to work our way through it and grieve and know that the dawn of new day is coming. I hope we'll stop banging our heads before too long... hopefully you'll accept me and Mark as your new family and I will accept the fact that my wonderful mom is no longer here and I have to live with my memories and pray that my faith will sustain me through this incredibly dark time.
I'm here for you, Jessie. Even though I'm falling apart sometimes, I'm here. I won't let you down.
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