Try a little tenderness
I'm still rambling about the same topic because I am feeling a lot of guilt over my gossipy ways. I have such a tendency to be so critical - it drives me crazy when I succumb to bitching and griping about people and things.
Like I said before, I am super critical so I notice lots of little things, especially when I go to the theatre or a concert. Since that's where my passion lies, it's what I know. I do have to be careful in my choices of things that I go see. I can understand that a kids production (school, etc.) will be held to a different standard than a community theatre show. I'm not going to shoot down people. I really do enjoy a show and I find the good in everything. I will do my best to find it if it's a 'bad' show, whatever the reason. There's always something good in a show.
I know that I suffered many blows and stabs in the back when I was a theatre employee. It drove me crazy that the things that were said about me behind my back never was told to my face until a friend who heard it told me days or weeks later. Some of the things that were said were cruel and horrible. People in this realm of the arts have a tendency to think they can always do better than anyone. The jealousy and rage aimed at me made me want to just walk away from all of this forever. I know that I wasn't perfect and I made mistakes. I know in hindsight that my situation was bound to fail and I fully accept that. I know that there was no way I could do what I really wanted to do under the circumstances. It was a train wreck waiting to happen.
All this is water under the bridge and I was hoping that I would have learned from this and moved on. I guess that I am caught in some kind of whirlpool because I am still showing behavior that I am not proud of. I need to knock it off. I am better than this.
I try to keep an open mind in my life and want to maintain a true Christian way of behaving. I am going to do what I can to stop behaving in ways that people did toward me. I've got to stop being such a hypocrite.
Like I said before, I am super critical so I notice lots of little things, especially when I go to the theatre or a concert. Since that's where my passion lies, it's what I know. I do have to be careful in my choices of things that I go see. I can understand that a kids production (school, etc.) will be held to a different standard than a community theatre show. I'm not going to shoot down people. I really do enjoy a show and I find the good in everything. I will do my best to find it if it's a 'bad' show, whatever the reason. There's always something good in a show.
I know that I suffered many blows and stabs in the back when I was a theatre employee. It drove me crazy that the things that were said about me behind my back never was told to my face until a friend who heard it told me days or weeks later. Some of the things that were said were cruel and horrible. People in this realm of the arts have a tendency to think they can always do better than anyone. The jealousy and rage aimed at me made me want to just walk away from all of this forever. I know that I wasn't perfect and I made mistakes. I know in hindsight that my situation was bound to fail and I fully accept that. I know that there was no way I could do what I really wanted to do under the circumstances. It was a train wreck waiting to happen.
All this is water under the bridge and I was hoping that I would have learned from this and moved on. I guess that I am caught in some kind of whirlpool because I am still showing behavior that I am not proud of. I need to knock it off. I am better than this.
I try to keep an open mind in my life and want to maintain a true Christian way of behaving. I am going to do what I can to stop behaving in ways that people did toward me. I've got to stop being such a hypocrite.
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