She drives me CRAZY....
Warning: a not so nice blog.....
Was trying to come up with a title for this post. Just as a reminder, I always try to reference music/song lyrics or titles in my blog titles just because music is my drug of choice. It's also the air that I breathe and any other metaphor you can think of. Don't mean to make this sound so hokey but....well, you know.
I've been trying to figure out why my MIL has been driving me crazy. I don't want to be lumped into the gigantic pool of people who say they 'hate' their in-laws or they 'can't stand' them, etc. This isn't the case with me. I don't hate her at all. She's a sweet lady. She does have issues that make me nuts though and I've been trying to figure out exactly what they are. Typically, you can say "this person is rude" or "this person is evil" or some other very pointed description. I finally realized there are some things I would say about her (and this is not so very nice):
She is not very smart.
She is careless.
She is immature.
She is gullible.
She is stupid.
She is dumb.
She is thoughtless at times.
She is stubborn.
She is prideful.
She is bossy.
She is embarrassing.
She does not know how to be a friend.
Okay. I said it. These things aren't nice but they aren't that bad, right? She's not evil, wicked, or crude. She is kind, sweet and has a good sense of humor. She tries to be helpful and gives when she can. She's a human being, made in God's image.
According to family lore, she has always made somewhat careless decisions when it comes to money. (I know I haven't always been so good with money so I'm forgiving of this one.) She also has lost people's trust when it comes to watching over young ones. Her carelessness (ah, that word again) makes her not trustworthy. She tries to be cute and clever and 'dance' around in public settings which comes across a little embarrassing to others (I've been around for this one - and it IS embarrassing). She tends to listen to perfect strangers (whom she will idolize and claim as expert) over her own family members. She can't hear very well but burns through her money so she can't afford good hearing aids. (That's a whole story in itself - once again, listening to a stranger over a family member in her choice of hearing aids cost her a pretty penny.)
She tends to latch onto people. Even some of my friends and acquaintances get the treatment. She insists on paying for their meals. She insists on taking them out or having them come over. She bullies and bosses and then the people fall off the very high pedestal she placed them on because they either can't do what she wants or anger her because they can't follow her social calendar. She doesn't have any real 'friends'. I know that at this age friends become few and far between. My mom frequently mentioned being lonesome because so many of her friends had passed on. There was nothing I could do to fill that void other than be her daughter and sounding board. I get the lonesome thing - I really do. I try to be sympathetic to that. But you do have to be a friend and that takes some effort or else you won't have any.
I've seen and experienced is some of the careless behavior. I remember Mark and I taking her and my mom to our favorite Japanese restaurant: We ordered our food (and specifically ordered some things for my MIL that we figured she would like since she's not into raw things) and my mom was truly in her element (she was 100% Japanese, after all). So, our little condiment trays are placed in front of us and Mark puts some soy sauce in the little tray for MIL and he tells her that's the dipping sauce for her tempura. No worries, right? Well, the food is brought and we all start digging in. My MIL, in her attempts to be cute and clever takes her shrimp and starts swirling (and I mean spinning) it in the soy sauce and spatters it all over the table and onto my mom's beautiful blouse. Did she bend over backwards in apologies? NO. She joked about it! She basically ruined my mom's clothes and joked about it. My mom, ever the gracious lady made nothing of it but if I know her (and let's be honest, my temper comes from her), I know she was seething inside. She took such pride in her appearance and her clothing was always impeccable. Her gracious, Japanese politeness took hold though and she just dabbed a wet napkin on the stains and went back to conversation with us. Again, carelessness and stupidity in action.
I know, I know... this is nothing. This was just an incident. Guess what.... this happens ALL the time. She embarrassed me in front of my staff at an event recently and never apologized. She just couldn't say "I'm sorry." She did try to be nice and happy, I'll give her that.
I know, this is nothing. I'm supposed to turn the other cheek and forgive. I'm supposed to be patient. I'm supposed to not judge. Ugh!
She lived with us for 18 months and I thought I could handle this 5 week visit after all that. I'm not doing a very good job right now. I have tried to be kind and have baked her treats that I know she'd like since she doesn't get a lot of them at home. The family she lives with (my dear SIL and family) are very busy and I know they try - but I'm sure they feel the same way I do at times. It's got to be tough for them.
These are only a few stories. There's some doozies out there that I won't even get into. It would take me hours to get it on paper. Maybe I will someday - it would probably make for a good book or a good play.
She really is a sweet and nice lady. As a matter of fact, she's folding for my laundry for me right now.
I keep reminding myself of that.
I realize that stupidity and carelessness are the two traits that I have the worst time with. It would be different if I were dealing with a child or a teen. Life and experience should help them learn what is right and what is wrong and teach them not to do it again. There are also folks with mental deficiencies that may never get over certain issues but I can accept that too. Is she mentally deficient? I don't think so. I think she chooses to live this way, making the wrong choices and being too prideful to apologize. I almost feel like I'm dealing with an addict. The thing is, some addicts end up being alone and/or dead because they choose to continue with the damaging behavior and their friends/families can't make them make the right choice.
Of course, I can't walk away.
She drives me crazy.
Was trying to come up with a title for this post. Just as a reminder, I always try to reference music/song lyrics or titles in my blog titles just because music is my drug of choice. It's also the air that I breathe and any other metaphor you can think of. Don't mean to make this sound so hokey but....well, you know.
I've been trying to figure out why my MIL has been driving me crazy. I don't want to be lumped into the gigantic pool of people who say they 'hate' their in-laws or they 'can't stand' them, etc. This isn't the case with me. I don't hate her at all. She's a sweet lady. She does have issues that make me nuts though and I've been trying to figure out exactly what they are. Typically, you can say "this person is rude" or "this person is evil" or some other very pointed description. I finally realized there are some things I would say about her (and this is not so very nice):
She is not very smart.
She is careless.
She is immature.
She is gullible.
She is stupid.
She is dumb.
She is thoughtless at times.
She is stubborn.
She is prideful.
She is bossy.
She is embarrassing.
She does not know how to be a friend.
Okay. I said it. These things aren't nice but they aren't that bad, right? She's not evil, wicked, or crude. She is kind, sweet and has a good sense of humor. She tries to be helpful and gives when she can. She's a human being, made in God's image.
According to family lore, she has always made somewhat careless decisions when it comes to money. (I know I haven't always been so good with money so I'm forgiving of this one.) She also has lost people's trust when it comes to watching over young ones. Her carelessness (ah, that word again) makes her not trustworthy. She tries to be cute and clever and 'dance' around in public settings which comes across a little embarrassing to others (I've been around for this one - and it IS embarrassing). She tends to listen to perfect strangers (whom she will idolize and claim as expert) over her own family members. She can't hear very well but burns through her money so she can't afford good hearing aids. (That's a whole story in itself - once again, listening to a stranger over a family member in her choice of hearing aids cost her a pretty penny.)
She tends to latch onto people. Even some of my friends and acquaintances get the treatment. She insists on paying for their meals. She insists on taking them out or having them come over. She bullies and bosses and then the people fall off the very high pedestal she placed them on because they either can't do what she wants or anger her because they can't follow her social calendar. She doesn't have any real 'friends'. I know that at this age friends become few and far between. My mom frequently mentioned being lonesome because so many of her friends had passed on. There was nothing I could do to fill that void other than be her daughter and sounding board. I get the lonesome thing - I really do. I try to be sympathetic to that. But you do have to be a friend and that takes some effort or else you won't have any.
I've seen and experienced is some of the careless behavior. I remember Mark and I taking her and my mom to our favorite Japanese restaurant: We ordered our food (and specifically ordered some things for my MIL that we figured she would like since she's not into raw things) and my mom was truly in her element (she was 100% Japanese, after all). So, our little condiment trays are placed in front of us and Mark puts some soy sauce in the little tray for MIL and he tells her that's the dipping sauce for her tempura. No worries, right? Well, the food is brought and we all start digging in. My MIL, in her attempts to be cute and clever takes her shrimp and starts swirling (and I mean spinning) it in the soy sauce and spatters it all over the table and onto my mom's beautiful blouse. Did she bend over backwards in apologies? NO. She joked about it! She basically ruined my mom's clothes and joked about it. My mom, ever the gracious lady made nothing of it but if I know her (and let's be honest, my temper comes from her), I know she was seething inside. She took such pride in her appearance and her clothing was always impeccable. Her gracious, Japanese politeness took hold though and she just dabbed a wet napkin on the stains and went back to conversation with us. Again, carelessness and stupidity in action.
I know, I know... this is nothing. This was just an incident. Guess what.... this happens ALL the time. She embarrassed me in front of my staff at an event recently and never apologized. She just couldn't say "I'm sorry." She did try to be nice and happy, I'll give her that.
I know, this is nothing. I'm supposed to turn the other cheek and forgive. I'm supposed to be patient. I'm supposed to not judge. Ugh!
She lived with us for 18 months and I thought I could handle this 5 week visit after all that. I'm not doing a very good job right now. I have tried to be kind and have baked her treats that I know she'd like since she doesn't get a lot of them at home. The family she lives with (my dear SIL and family) are very busy and I know they try - but I'm sure they feel the same way I do at times. It's got to be tough for them.
These are only a few stories. There's some doozies out there that I won't even get into. It would take me hours to get it on paper. Maybe I will someday - it would probably make for a good book or a good play.
She really is a sweet and nice lady. As a matter of fact, she's folding for my laundry for me right now.
I keep reminding myself of that.
I realize that stupidity and carelessness are the two traits that I have the worst time with. It would be different if I were dealing with a child or a teen. Life and experience should help them learn what is right and what is wrong and teach them not to do it again. There are also folks with mental deficiencies that may never get over certain issues but I can accept that too. Is she mentally deficient? I don't think so. I think she chooses to live this way, making the wrong choices and being too prideful to apologize. I almost feel like I'm dealing with an addict. The thing is, some addicts end up being alone and/or dead because they choose to continue with the damaging behavior and their friends/families can't make them make the right choice.
Of course, I can't walk away.
She drives me crazy.
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