That which does not kill you makes you stronger
'Steel Magnolias' is one of my all-time favorite plays/movies (I happen to like both). This blog title is a quote from Clarèe speaking to M'Lynn when she is worrying about Shelby's pregnancy. I always think about this quote during the darkest times.
I've definitely had my share of dark times this year and yet I've had some incredibly happy moments too. One of the fondest memories I have of this year is when Mark and I just left the wedding chapel in Las Vegas and were driving back to our hotel to celebrate and we called my mom to let her know we were Mr. & Mrs. Jackson. She was so happy - she was practically giddy with joy. She's watched me go through some ups and downs when it comes to love and she was so thrilled that I married Mark. She just adored him.
I am facing the prospect of dealing with my first Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthday without my mom. I'm not at all happy about this. I find every sappy holiday commercial on television to be a stab in my heart. I look at all my favorite cooking shows celebrating the cooking of pies and turkeys and want to scream because I can't call my mom to kibbitz over the making of the perfect gravy (God, she was amazing at making gravy!). I want her famous apple pie (which was by request my favorite birthday 'cake') and now I can't have it. She had a special touch when it came to pies too.
I am so not happy about this upcoming week. I wish it would go away. I know that the holidays will get easier as time passes but this one was supposed to be so joyful as Mark and I were looking forward to sharing our first holidays as husband and wife with my mom.
I sit here each night waiting for the battle with insomnia to begin. And I am praying hard.... asking God to grant me relief from my grief and to continue reminding me to 'count my blessings instead of sheep'. And trying to remember Clarèe's wise words.....
I've definitely had my share of dark times this year and yet I've had some incredibly happy moments too. One of the fondest memories I have of this year is when Mark and I just left the wedding chapel in Las Vegas and were driving back to our hotel to celebrate and we called my mom to let her know we were Mr. & Mrs. Jackson. She was so happy - she was practically giddy with joy. She's watched me go through some ups and downs when it comes to love and she was so thrilled that I married Mark. She just adored him.
I am facing the prospect of dealing with my first Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthday without my mom. I'm not at all happy about this. I find every sappy holiday commercial on television to be a stab in my heart. I look at all my favorite cooking shows celebrating the cooking of pies and turkeys and want to scream because I can't call my mom to kibbitz over the making of the perfect gravy (God, she was amazing at making gravy!). I want her famous apple pie (which was by request my favorite birthday 'cake') and now I can't have it. She had a special touch when it came to pies too.
I am so not happy about this upcoming week. I wish it would go away. I know that the holidays will get easier as time passes but this one was supposed to be so joyful as Mark and I were looking forward to sharing our first holidays as husband and wife with my mom.
I sit here each night waiting for the battle with insomnia to begin. And I am praying hard.... asking God to grant me relief from my grief and to continue reminding me to 'count my blessings instead of sheep'. And trying to remember Clarèe's wise words.....
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