Joshua 1:9
"This is my command: be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
I just read this.... I really needed it. The past few days have been odd for me. I've been waiting to get the house to myself (my mother in law was here for 18 months) and we've added my mom's dog to our pack so I have a lot of furry kids running around. Just the same, the house feels super empty and the one thing I want to go do I can't because my mom isn't here anymore.
I am so frustrated that I can't see her or talk to her and get her instant reaction to things. I have so many things I want to talk about and get her opinion but I feel like my sounding board has been ripped away from me and I'm stuck talking to myself.
I have a great support network around me and I know everyone is willing to be with me and let me rant and rave but it's not what I want. For the first time in my life I need my mom and she isn't here. I feel like my arm's been cut off and I am so helpless. I am afraid. I am discouraged.
I haven't been able to write the past few days because I didn't know how to say all of this. It was so simple now that I read that quote from the bible. I feel like I've always had to be strong and courageous. That's basically the way I was raised. My dad wanted a boy but he got me and he raised me to be strong and not to cry. He was my Rock of Gibralter and I always felt safe when he was here. When he died, I thought the world had ended. But I couldn't say anything because I had to be strong for my mom who was absolutely devastated. She was so lost and felt as if all purpose had left her life. Luckily, we had each other and she turned her focus on to me and Mark, my cousins and her brothers and sisters. She never really got over the loss of her husband and life partner but I'd like to think I was able to take her mind off of some of her troubles.
And now.... the woman who took care of me all of my life is gone too. I cannot be strong and courageous as before. I have my moments but for the most part, I no longer feel like Superman. I feel weak. I feel miserable. I feel alone.
I pray all the time. I pray for strength. I pray for guidance. I pray for a glimmer or a scent or something of my mom. I wish I could see her, hear her, smell her one last time. I know that she's watching over me - but I wish I could be strong and courageous for her again.
I suppose God is okay with me wavering a bit. My faith is still strong and I know God is carrying me through this. I guess I do have a little strength and courage in me after all......
I just read this.... I really needed it. The past few days have been odd for me. I've been waiting to get the house to myself (my mother in law was here for 18 months) and we've added my mom's dog to our pack so I have a lot of furry kids running around. Just the same, the house feels super empty and the one thing I want to go do I can't because my mom isn't here anymore.
I am so frustrated that I can't see her or talk to her and get her instant reaction to things. I have so many things I want to talk about and get her opinion but I feel like my sounding board has been ripped away from me and I'm stuck talking to myself.
I have a great support network around me and I know everyone is willing to be with me and let me rant and rave but it's not what I want. For the first time in my life I need my mom and she isn't here. I feel like my arm's been cut off and I am so helpless. I am afraid. I am discouraged.
I haven't been able to write the past few days because I didn't know how to say all of this. It was so simple now that I read that quote from the bible. I feel like I've always had to be strong and courageous. That's basically the way I was raised. My dad wanted a boy but he got me and he raised me to be strong and not to cry. He was my Rock of Gibralter and I always felt safe when he was here. When he died, I thought the world had ended. But I couldn't say anything because I had to be strong for my mom who was absolutely devastated. She was so lost and felt as if all purpose had left her life. Luckily, we had each other and she turned her focus on to me and Mark, my cousins and her brothers and sisters. She never really got over the loss of her husband and life partner but I'd like to think I was able to take her mind off of some of her troubles.
And now.... the woman who took care of me all of my life is gone too. I cannot be strong and courageous as before. I have my moments but for the most part, I no longer feel like Superman. I feel weak. I feel miserable. I feel alone.
I pray all the time. I pray for strength. I pray for guidance. I pray for a glimmer or a scent or something of my mom. I wish I could see her, hear her, smell her one last time. I know that she's watching over me - but I wish I could be strong and courageous for her again.
I suppose God is okay with me wavering a bit. My faith is still strong and I know God is carrying me through this. I guess I do have a little strength and courage in me after all......
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