Does lightening strike twice?
I am sitting here nervously this morning anticipating a horrible meeting but hoping for a miraculous report from Emmy's vet. She's been there for 24 hours being pumped with antibiotics and fluids and pain meds to fight the kidney infection and pancreatitis she seems to have taken on.
I don't want to lose a second dog in 48 hours. I've taken the loss of Jessie much harder than I expected to. She was very old and we didn't have her full
time until my mom passed away so my feelings of loss are intermingled with melancholy about missing my mom on a whole new level. It's a complicated kind of grief to say the least.
With Emmy, this is about my child. Yeah, go ahead and tell me this isn't the same thing. Explain that to me and I'll still manage to punch you right in the face. Emmy is OUR first child, plain and simple. She is made us a threesome and we became a family. Dear God, I don't want to have to deal with losing her. Not yet......
And yet....we won't let her live in pain and suffering either. If there isn't any hope of recovery we will do what's best for her and not what we selfishly want. I know Mark and I will grieve on a whole different level as we're already upset about Jessie. We're exposed enough emotionally that we can't fight or pretend to be engaged with the rest of the world as it keeps on spinning.
That's the crazy thing about death and loss and grief. The world keeps going and nothing seems to stop except you. The world seems quiet to me during those moments even though I see the hustle and bustle around me. That's a whole different blog entry I suppose.
Back to the waiting....and praying and hoping for some good news.
I don't want to lose a second dog in 48 hours. I've taken the loss of Jessie much harder than I expected to. She was very old and we didn't have her full
time until my mom passed away so my feelings of loss are intermingled with melancholy about missing my mom on a whole new level. It's a complicated kind of grief to say the least.
With Emmy, this is about my child. Yeah, go ahead and tell me this isn't the same thing. Explain that to me and I'll still manage to punch you right in the face. Emmy is OUR first child, plain and simple. She is made us a threesome and we became a family. Dear God, I don't want to have to deal with losing her. Not yet......
And yet....we won't let her live in pain and suffering either. If there isn't any hope of recovery we will do what's best for her and not what we selfishly want. I know Mark and I will grieve on a whole different level as we're already upset about Jessie. We're exposed enough emotionally that we can't fight or pretend to be engaged with the rest of the world as it keeps on spinning.
That's the crazy thing about death and loss and grief. The world keeps going and nothing seems to stop except you. The world seems quiet to me during those moments even though I see the hustle and bustle around me. That's a whole different blog entry I suppose.
Back to the waiting....and praying and hoping for some good news.
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