Deep thoughts?
Warning..... this one may go off on some tangents. My mind is trying to grasp at a couple of life lessons and it keeps jumping around like a jack rabbit in heat! (I don't really know what a jack rabbit in heat acts like....LOL)
It's the last day of 'Bark the Musical' at the Jewel Box Theatre. Five weeks (which seems long and in the great scheme of things really isn't) later, I'm happy and sad. Happy that I got to do a show that is about the pure joy of being a dog and owning a dog, sad that it's coming to an end but happy that it is coming to an end so I can move on to my next show. Maria Callas awaits and I need to wrap my head around 50 pages of monologues in less than 5 weeks. It will be a challenge!
Birdie (our Sheltie) is not getting better and her picky-ness with food is driving me insane. She needs to eat carbs and it goes against her dog nature to avoid meat. She's lost about 5 lbs and I'm so afraid she's losing even more. Poor girl.... we know we're starting the countdown with her and Mark and I are just beside ourselves. Just trying to enjoy every moment with her we can.....
Mark and I were talking last night about a conversation he had with a friend and it opened up some big wounds that I thought had healed up and I really thought I had moved on. I am sad that I am still so affected by something that happened years ago because I don't want to let this incident affect me into paralysis. I feel like I'm at a crossroads of sorts and think it may be time for me to say 'screw it' and walk away completely. I need to be surrounded by nurturing people; ones that wouldn't use me as a dartboard and continually sink knives into my back.
Mark asked me about moving to another city a little while ago. At first, I was like 'no way!' in my mind but now I'm like 'why not?' What do I really have here? I don't feel like there's much for me in the PNW. With both of my parents gone and none of my family close by I'm wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. I still love teaching music, acting and directing plays and musicals so I know that part of me is alive and well. I guess I don't feel the love in the arts community like I used to. I know that times change and we all have to move on to new adventures but my sense of belonging here seems to have been fractured.
It's kind of weird.... I feel like I've got a mild version of PTSD. I literally saw bright explosive colors and heard a bunch of noise in my ears when I was talking to Mark last night. I still feel the sting and the pain. I am not happy that I'm still having to deal with this but I guess I can't hurry the healing process. Again, maybe it's time to walk away. I chose to resign from another group earlier in the year and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I need to find me again and try to avoid cramming the square peg in the round hole. My identity isn't locked into this 'old' life. It needs to evolve constantly and I know that I can grow if I stop trying to go backwards.
It's the last day of 'Bark the Musical' at the Jewel Box Theatre. Five weeks (which seems long and in the great scheme of things really isn't) later, I'm happy and sad. Happy that I got to do a show that is about the pure joy of being a dog and owning a dog, sad that it's coming to an end but happy that it is coming to an end so I can move on to my next show. Maria Callas awaits and I need to wrap my head around 50 pages of monologues in less than 5 weeks. It will be a challenge!
Birdie (our Sheltie) is not getting better and her picky-ness with food is driving me insane. She needs to eat carbs and it goes against her dog nature to avoid meat. She's lost about 5 lbs and I'm so afraid she's losing even more. Poor girl.... we know we're starting the countdown with her and Mark and I are just beside ourselves. Just trying to enjoy every moment with her we can.....
Mark and I were talking last night about a conversation he had with a friend and it opened up some big wounds that I thought had healed up and I really thought I had moved on. I am sad that I am still so affected by something that happened years ago because I don't want to let this incident affect me into paralysis. I feel like I'm at a crossroads of sorts and think it may be time for me to say 'screw it' and walk away completely. I need to be surrounded by nurturing people; ones that wouldn't use me as a dartboard and continually sink knives into my back.
Mark asked me about moving to another city a little while ago. At first, I was like 'no way!' in my mind but now I'm like 'why not?' What do I really have here? I don't feel like there's much for me in the PNW. With both of my parents gone and none of my family close by I'm wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. I still love teaching music, acting and directing plays and musicals so I know that part of me is alive and well. I guess I don't feel the love in the arts community like I used to. I know that times change and we all have to move on to new adventures but my sense of belonging here seems to have been fractured.
It's kind of weird.... I feel like I've got a mild version of PTSD. I literally saw bright explosive colors and heard a bunch of noise in my ears when I was talking to Mark last night. I still feel the sting and the pain. I am not happy that I'm still having to deal with this but I guess I can't hurry the healing process. Again, maybe it's time to walk away. I chose to resign from another group earlier in the year and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I need to find me again and try to avoid cramming the square peg in the round hole. My identity isn't locked into this 'old' life. It needs to evolve constantly and I know that I can grow if I stop trying to go backwards.
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