breathe.....
Now my show has finished its second weekend and has three to go. It's nice to be able to walk away when I want and be there just to watch it whenever I choose. The show is going well.... yes, there are things I'd like to change and add, etc., but overall I'm happy with the show. There are some limitations and there were some road blocks involved so the show isn't perfect but that's okay. The cast is doing well and the crew and orchestra are amazing.
We got an excellent review in the local paper (well, as excellent as one could get considering) and the audiences seem to enjoy the show and I'm hoping the theatre is recouping its monies. I have had a relatively good experience with the show overall despite the dramas that seemed to drop on me over the last few weeks of rehearsals.
I'm sitting here enjoying a nice cup of tea and looking out at the back yard (freshly mowed thanks to my wonderful husband) and the pups and kitties are snoozing away. Not a bad way to spend my Tuesday morning into early afternoon. I am still reeling over last month's insanities and sadness but each day gets progressively better.
I don't want to get too detailed about my true feelings since I live in such a small community but I am feeling like I'm at a crossroads. I am truly considering taking a long break from theatre after I get through my long list of commitments this year. I know that we theatre people tend to gossip and disagree with directorial decisions but I am really exhausted by all the games people play. I had a really bad year back in 2010 and I honestly didn't think I'd come back from it. Besides losing my mom, I don't think I've ever felt so abused and beaten by people's words. It was enough to make me want to quit for good. The carrot was dangled however.... and it was a dear friend that got me back. It was uncomfortable but a good thing that I jumped in and did what I love to do. It helped heal up my wounds, although I don't think I stopped looking over my shoulder for a long time.
Time helped....I still fought depression but 2011 was definitely a better year. I finished it out with a great show and despite the stress of directing the end results were magnificent. I learned more valuable lessons as a director during that show and it really helped me as I jumped into this current production. I remained quite calm throughout this show and I was grateful despite all the hoops we had to jump through to get to opening. Ironically, the stress of this current show stemmed from a lot of political bullshit and a lack of communication. I learned, yet again a valuable lesson about leadership and communicating with others. I have 2, possibly 3 more shows coming up and I will take great strides to take my well learned lessons and put them to good use.
I know that I'm still smarting and licking wounds - especially with the loss of my dear sweet Emmy Lou and my quiet, dignified Jessie. To lose 2 dogs in 5 days about sent me to the edge. I know.... they're dogs. But they're my dogs and they're family. I want to be done walking through the shadow of the valley of death. I want to have some peace and comfort and happiness now. Mark has been a rock through it all - and my two pups Buddy and Muffin have loved me through all of it. It's hard to see the peace and comfort when real life creeps in far too often and distracts. I'm trying to breathe and enjoy what's right in front of me. I talk to God and know that it is up to me to trust and have faith and the joy of life will be seen because only then can I open my eyes and see it.
Breathing......
We got an excellent review in the local paper (well, as excellent as one could get considering) and the audiences seem to enjoy the show and I'm hoping the theatre is recouping its monies. I have had a relatively good experience with the show overall despite the dramas that seemed to drop on me over the last few weeks of rehearsals.
I'm sitting here enjoying a nice cup of tea and looking out at the back yard (freshly mowed thanks to my wonderful husband) and the pups and kitties are snoozing away. Not a bad way to spend my Tuesday morning into early afternoon. I am still reeling over last month's insanities and sadness but each day gets progressively better.
I don't want to get too detailed about my true feelings since I live in such a small community but I am feeling like I'm at a crossroads. I am truly considering taking a long break from theatre after I get through my long list of commitments this year. I know that we theatre people tend to gossip and disagree with directorial decisions but I am really exhausted by all the games people play. I had a really bad year back in 2010 and I honestly didn't think I'd come back from it. Besides losing my mom, I don't think I've ever felt so abused and beaten by people's words. It was enough to make me want to quit for good. The carrot was dangled however.... and it was a dear friend that got me back. It was uncomfortable but a good thing that I jumped in and did what I love to do. It helped heal up my wounds, although I don't think I stopped looking over my shoulder for a long time.
Time helped....I still fought depression but 2011 was definitely a better year. I finished it out with a great show and despite the stress of directing the end results were magnificent. I learned more valuable lessons as a director during that show and it really helped me as I jumped into this current production. I remained quite calm throughout this show and I was grateful despite all the hoops we had to jump through to get to opening. Ironically, the stress of this current show stemmed from a lot of political bullshit and a lack of communication. I learned, yet again a valuable lesson about leadership and communicating with others. I have 2, possibly 3 more shows coming up and I will take great strides to take my well learned lessons and put them to good use.
I know that I'm still smarting and licking wounds - especially with the loss of my dear sweet Emmy Lou and my quiet, dignified Jessie. To lose 2 dogs in 5 days about sent me to the edge. I know.... they're dogs. But they're my dogs and they're family. I want to be done walking through the shadow of the valley of death. I want to have some peace and comfort and happiness now. Mark has been a rock through it all - and my two pups Buddy and Muffin have loved me through all of it. It's hard to see the peace and comfort when real life creeps in far too often and distracts. I'm trying to breathe and enjoy what's right in front of me. I talk to God and know that it is up to me to trust and have faith and the joy of life will be seen because only then can I open my eyes and see it.
Breathing......
Comments