Luck Be A Lady

I have had so much going on since I started directing "White Christmas" in September! Here we are, fast forward to December and its closing night! I have much to say but need some of my well earned time to put those thoughts down. I will probably put things down in my lovely blog in some random bizarre order since my brain has become more random these past few months! I have had a ton of new opportunities shine on me in a matter of 48 hours. Plus I've seen friends or will see friends I haven't seen in 10+ years. This show has been a much needed tonic or elixir I've needed. Except for the continued (and somewhat delayed) packing up of my moms house everything else is so much more joyful in life again and it's lovely to be able to say that. It's been long road back to life and I'm glad I haven't had to pretend to be happy for the first time in many moons! Okay, I think it's time to bake some cookies!

I must have some incredibly high standards that are unreachable. I am in shock over someone's behavior right now. They have gotten away with horrible behavior over the past 5 years or so. I'm wondering how the hell they manage to worm their way into leadership positions despite their lack of respect toward others and their mediocre output. Seriously, I can't believe this person. And even worse, I chose to go against my gut and give them a chance to prove themselves. And they failed. And then lied. I hate to use the word 'never' as you always end up eating your words but he makes me want to say 'never again'. I'm going to put him on my list and keep him at arm's length. I'm done with trying to give any more chances. Time for them to start earning their way back with someone else. I'm going to move on and surround myself with people that care and try their best. Even if they fail, they're doing better than this person. At least they...

Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through him who strengthens me It has been a tough week. We delivered the papers to sell my mom's house and then find there's still a loan attached to the property. Of course, it's been paid off but I have to find proof of it which means we're going to be delayed in getting our paperwork finalized and get our money. The check is sitting at the escrow company and I can't touch it. I'm still looking for proof of the loan being paid off (which I know it was since my dad told me the day he wrote the final check many years ago) in order to get this stupid lien off the property. I find it so difficult to go to the house to even pack or do anything to finalize this. I am dragging my heels constantly, avoiding anything I can to deal with it. My grief seems even worse right now.... I manage to get through my required events of the day but it's all I can do to step foot into her house to pack. I keep praying. Praying fo...

Two days ago I was sitting in the chair at the orthodontist office and took the plunge and am now wearing braces (again).  Every time I look in the mirror I am shocked and think it's the 13 year old me looking back. Granted, I weigh a lot more than I did at 13 but my face really looks like I did back then! I almost laugh every time after that initial shock. I started flashing back and remembered the initial discomfort like the lips, tongue and cheek cuts, as well as the the lisping and extra saliva.  I am looking forward to the day when my mouth develops the calluses so it won't be so uncomfortable. All this discomfort is certainly worth it. I've already had a lot of dental work done over the past 5 weeks prepping for braces. I was not the best at visiting the dentist regularly but I have learned my lesson. I now have very clean teeth and I floss like a madwoman! Of course, now that I have braces it's more awkward but I am trying to be really good and maintain my ne...

I am in somewhat of a cynical mood. This isn't my normal MO to say the least. I have been doing something I love (directing) and we have been working hard to sell my mom's house over the past month. With the show opening in 12 days and the papers being signed on Tuesday for the house I'm now starting the process of packing up everything so the buyers can start doing their remodeling and stuff just in time for hell week of the show. Everything should wrap up all by the end of November. So..... why am I being so cranky? Well, that's a good question. The anniversary of my mom's passing was an awful day and the days after haven't been much better. We're approaching the two biggest holidays of the year plus my birthday and I also have to deal with having a guest in our house soon. Because I'm  honest I can say that as much as I love Thanksgiving and Christmas it just doesn't feel the same now that my family is basically gone. I often feel like I shouldn...

I am kind of reeling over some 'drama' in the drama department. I am wondering WTF is going on around here. Is there something in the water? Are we secretly being fed stupid pills? I am in a state of confusion. I don't know how or why people have to be so difficult. Why do people have to yell and snap at others when they're in a position of authority? Are the followers not following? Were they not trained right to being with? Were they not given respect in the first place? A good leader trains their team to follow but also respects them enough to train them to become leaders through example. I am wondering when leaders stopped teaching by example? I hate it when people use social media to announce things in a  passive/aggressive way to gain sympathy or whatever else they're missing in their lives. They should be fully aware that most people know what they're doing and aren't buying it. Face facts. You did something wrong. Say you're sorry. And don...

I'm still rambling about the same topic because I am feeling a lot of guilt over my gossipy ways. I have such a tendency to be so critical - it drives me crazy when I succumb to bitching and griping about people and things. Like I said before, I am super critical so I notice lots of little things, especially when I go to the theatre or a concert. Since that's where my passion lies, it's what I know. I do have to be careful in my choices of things that I go see. I can understand that a kids production (school, etc.) will be held to a different standard than a community theatre show. I'm not going to shoot down people. I really do enjoy a show and I find the good in everything. I will do my best to find it if it's a 'bad' show, whatever the reason. There's always something good in a show. I know that I suffered many blows and stabs in the back when I was a theatre employee. It drove me crazy that the things that were said about me behind my back never ...

I was thinking about my last entry. I know it was a bit harsh but I was really writing from the heart at that given moment. I don't edit my thoughts other than my spelling so what you read is going through my brain pretty much those seconds before I type it. I am not having second thoughts as much as I am trying to re-think or re-state some of it. I do believe that I am one of the harshest critics around but I also think I really enjoy shows a lot when I go see them. I do try to see the best of it and even if I don't like the show for whatever reason, I really do appreciate all the hard work that went into it. I am a good audience member and I will find something amazing in every show. I will laugh and cry if I'm moved by something. So, I think I do enjoy more than 75% of a show most of the time. I think I really do see the good in performances. I think what my biggest issue is may be more about the big picture. That isn't controlled by the actors or designers.  Thi...

I always find myself trying to come up with compliments that I can say when I see a show that I either don't like to start with (the book or music, or both) or one that I didn't like the way it was directed, acted or designed (or a combination of the three). I certainly appreciate all the hard work and effort that everyone put into it. I don't want to be unappreciative because I'm being critical. But..... I still find myself grasping at straws for the right way of saying something so that I'm not lying. I hate lying.... Ultimately, I end up doing just that. If I hate a show, there's little for me to say other than "You did a good job but I still hate the show." If I like the show but hate the actor's interpretation I pretty much have to say "You sure worked hard!" or "Congratuations! Good job!" I basically lie. Did I say I hate lying? Because I really do. I want to be able to give constructive criticism but ultimately it...

I have just started rehearsals for my latest show. Of course, being a musical I don't have to worry about interacting with actors at the moment since they're dancing and singing. Most of my job right now is to work with my staff on design and to answer any questions they might have about their part of the job. I am always fascinated by how a show comes together and I always hope mine will come together easily. Inevitably there is something that goes wrong or someone causes a drama and creates more headaches but you barrel on through it. I felt better after reading Carolee Caramello's latest blog about her show that is currently at Seattle's 5th Avenue Theatre, "Saving Aimee." Here's her latest blog entry and it made me feel good to know that even a professional actor and theatre struggles just like we do. Considering I only have to interpret an established show rather than change, edit, cut and deal with writers, actors, etc., because of the constant cha...

Now spit! Love that song from Little Shop. I think LS was one of my proudest moments as a director. The cast, crew, staff, designers, everything was perfect. But I digress. I am thinking about the dentist. I had a serious consult with the orthodontist because my teeth are getting more crooked by the year. I didn't think my teeth were that bad but it turns out, they are that bad. I have to have serious surgery done on my upper jaw (known as SARPE) after I have braces on for about a year. Of course, I can schedule the surgery to fit my life and its situations since I'll be in the hospital and then basically in bed for 4-5 days after that. Then I have lots of major pain and meds and swelling - typical surgery issues. Then another year of braces and then I should have a perfectly aligned mouth, jaws and everything. According to everyone in the office, I will look 10 years younger. I could deal with that issue. :-) I am getting a wisdom tooth pulled, and potentially losing ano...

So I'm ranting a little bit this morning. I can't do it on Facebook unless I block certain people and I'm not in the mood to create more settings.  And now social networking becomes censored which pisses me off because I have to worry about hurting people's feelings when all I am doing is stating how I feel or what I'm doing at any given moment. I know, I know.... just change my settings. Well, I might have to just do that. I have recently re-established a relationship with someone who was a very important part of my life/family. While the circumstances are not necessarily the happiest, things are definitely improving for them and I'm glad I can be a part of their life. That being said, there's some garbage from the past that occasionally permeates old relationships. It's not the two people that have issues with the past. We're way, way past all that. It's people who weren't even around at the time that are causing the trouble. All I...

Seriously, I am living a double life theatrically. I'm helping to music direct 'Rocky Horror Show' and just started rehearsals for "White Christmas" which I am directing. Can you imagine doing a mashup of music from those two musicals? It's almost like my brain is having seizures when it hears "Rose Tint My World" against "Snow, Snow, Snow".  Luckily for me, my music rehearsals don't clash with my directing schedule. It's just strange having the music from these two shows running through my brain like they do at 1:30 in the morning. I looked back at my Sept. 11th blog and while I had every right to worry I am glad that I got enough actors and dancers for my show and I'm very happy with the caliber of talent. What really gets to me though is the insane conflicts that performers now throw at us. I cannot, in my mind even think of being in more than one show at a time. I used to go from show to show when I was younger (and single...

Oh, how I love Stevie Ray Vaughn and this song. I'm relating to it in more ways than one right now. I am finding myself at a bit of a loss right now. I am soon to be happily ensconced in directing a show that I love but am wondering if there will be enough quality performers to cast it. There are so many theatres around here and so many that are doing musicals at or near the same time. Beyond that, there are more theatres in the next county that actors are migrating to and of course some go to the big city and try their luck there as well. There once was a time when there were only 3 to 5 theatres in this county. Now there are at least 9 plus 3 or 4 more in the next county that actors like to flock to.  Once there was only one theatre exclusive to musicals. Now this county has 4 plus there's one in Tacoma that takes a lot of our talent. What makes things more difficult is that there's never enough men to fill a roster so you're always scraping, begging and borrowing...

Cue the Mission Impossible music! I'm sitting here at CSTOCK at our interns meeting and reveling in how cool this workshop is. The 31 kids here are outstanding. They are so talented and I feel lucky to be here. The interns are learning how hard it is to direct and gaining a lot more respect for those of us who are crazy enough to do it, LOL. This show has pre-recorded music which is a blessing and yet a curse. I love that I can use vocal tracks to help the kids learn their music. They are such quick studies and we were using the accompaniment tracks by the third day. I'm so impressed! With people who can't play the piano, these CDs are a godsend. They don't have to be able to read a full score and play like an expert. Teachers can relax and not worry about playing. That's the good part about it. The bad part is that there is no spontaneity allowed with recorded music. There is no way to jump around and follow the singer. The singer has no chance to use rubato......

There are moments when you feel used. This is one of them. I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm just disappointed. Life goes on and I am fine. As a matter of fact, things are great in my life. I guess what I feel more than anything is pity and sadness. Something isn't quite right and I'm wondering how much longer before the you-know-what hits the fan.  I'm praying.....not for me but for someone else. Speaking of the 'you-know-what' (here's a bit of TMI if you want to skip this but I find this to be rather funny), I was feeling really bound up and tighter than a drum late this afternoon but once I was able to let go of something, I let it all go literally. I laughed.... God really does have a sense of humor! I am feeling so much better right now (even though I'm not at 100% just yet) that I know everything that happened to me today happened for the right reason. And luckily, God found it in his heart to keep me regular!

So it was a fun day of playing piano for a theatre audition today. I was pleasantly surprised at how many people brought music (rather than CDs) today. It gave me hope that all is not lost. As much as I am down on karaoke for auditions, I know how convenient they are and so I don't mind them showing up as long as they're appropriate and don't have the vocal track on them. You'd be surprised how often people used to bring in CD's of a song WITH the singer on the track. I haven't seen that happen lately and then with today's abundance of sheet music, I have found hope again that people want to sing with a live accompaniment. It was a good day filled with lots of talented performers - I find it hard to see the numbers of auditioning actors that show up going down. Gone are the old days of 75-120 actors coming to an audition. Typically, there are about 35-40 showing up and usually too many girls/women. There's too many theatres with too many opportunities ...

If I'd had a hammer.....I'd probably would have pounded it against my head a year ago or tried to take down a few walls. But now I realize that so much of my frustrations weren't necessarily about my lack of ability or lack of success. I can see so much more clearly now that it wasn't about me. I was targeted occasionally which I know made me furious and I know that I wasn't always right or the smartest with my decision making skills. I did have the heart and I did want to do my best but sometimes it wasn't enough. I was fighting a very big mountain or concrete wall that seemed indestructible. Now that I've had a chance to step away and look at it I know that there is no way I could have moved that mountain. At least not at this time.... and I have finally accepted that. I don't like to accept defeat - I rarely let it go. But this time, I will and I'm okay with it. I can still do what's right and do my best to make things better but I need to...

I have been thriving being back at work this past week. I've missed being somewhere everyday for 8 hours at a time. I like being around people and kids a lot. I have been struggling personally since I've not had a full-time job for a little over a year. This the first time in my adult life that I've gone more than 8 weeks without a job. Of course, part of this is my own fault since I'm not willing to take just 'any' job and I really want to focus on my teaching. Still, it's been tough on us since we've been relying on Mark's income and his teaching (as well as mine) hasn't been as lucrative as it used to be when we worked out of a music store. I know that if my teaching doesn't pick up I'll have to go back to a retail job or something that I hate doing and the thought of it sickens me. I don't want to deal with that business again. I keep praying that something will work out and I keep looking and I have good friends who continue ...

So I am ever grateful for the summer kids workshops that I'm involved with right now. It has given me an opportunity to be at the theatre and work with some really neat people of all ages. I've really enjoyed the experience so far and I'm looking forward to seeing the end result (which happens to be the musical "Oklahoma"). While I would hate to call this situation an escape, that's kind of what it's been for me. My tolerance level for a certain someone has made it necessary for me to be able to get away and be in my 'safe' place (theatre). Granted, the workshop is a job and a fulfilling one at that and I really am loving and learning at the same time. But ultimately, this really has been a much needed place for me to hide out, calm down, focus on others and just be me. I literally have no patience for this certain someone. I can't believe how I am feeling about this right now. I am trying so hard to walk a mile in their shoes and keep remi...