Luck Be A Lady

This is the umpteenth time I've tried to sit down and write this blog. Isn't it amazing how life can just get 'in the way' of some things? I was re-reading one of my favorite books this morning since I was up early and didn't want to go back to bed and the author was talking about how her mind fights her when she tried/tries to meditate. She's a serious yoga student but she's also a control freak/neurotic/creative type which cracks me up since I feel like I'm the same way. I wanted to find time to meditate and sometimes I just can't. I don't get up early enough in the day or stay late enough at night to do it. Maybe that's a change that needs to happen. Hmmm.... So, I finally gave notice at Mills. Six years here and now I'm moving onward to a risky yet I think fun job. I think I've been in training for it for more than 15 years and now I'm going to have to try and see if I can be a success at it. I'm really excited.... and to...

Well..... I hope to be able to say with firm conviction that my last days at MM within my sight. I am awaiting the verdict from an non-profit organization to see if they're going to approve my hiring next week. If so.... my start date is September 1, 2009 (or actually anytime I want to start!). Keeping my fingers crossed..... My boss will have a coronary..... I'll be leaving right at the beginning of the school year. Not a great way/time to leave, music retail is it? Oh well, my sanity and patience have been tested to the core. It is time for me to work and worry about me and my goals rather than be constantly worried about a job that nags me and expects me to do more and get paid less (can you believe I've not had a raise in 3 years? Thanks a lot economy - what's going on Mr. President? Some of us need that raise!) I really did enjoy my stay there.... and officially, I'm still their employee until I give notice....which I won't until the offer comes through.......

So.... the economy sucks which in turn makes business slow which means payroll kept getting cut down. Well, finally the shit hits the fan and now we have to cut way back and I have let go of most of the employees. This just bites. So I get to work 6 day work weeks all summer, losing some of my voice lesson money. This is really aggravating me. I already am under contract to work 6 day weeks from September to December. I'm also going to lose my Christmas vacation thanks to old fashioned thinking as it is. I'm so done..... I need to find something else that can make me feel a little more appreciated and respected. Done with my rant.

Dang it! I am so bad about doing this right now. I don't seem to be able to make the time to download pics and write anything these days. Bad Trina! I'll try to do better from now on. I will get my camera out today! I will take pictures. I will post pictures. And I will write something clever. Well... I will try to, anyway. :-)

I wrote this blog on my facebook and myspace pages but feel it really belongs here more than anyplace else. My theatrical love letter: I am scratching my head in amazement at the process of putting together a production yet again. It never ceases to amaze me what kind of work it takes to 'put on a show.' One of my previous blogs mentioned the importance of the word 'community' in community theatre and it's never as important as it is right now. I liken this experience to being the captain of a big ship. I am only overseeing the actions of the ship whilst all these amazing people are designing, building, sewing, painting, singing, lighting, acting, and gluing things. Yes, I told people where to stand. Yes, I even did some choreography. I even try to make people as funny and as natural looking as possible. Ultimately, it took a village to create this little entity called 'Once Upon a Mattress.' A lot of blood, sweat and tears have gone into this show and I can...

Well, I'm into what's affectionately known as "Hell" week for my show. Hell Week is the final week of rehearsal leading right into the opening performances of the production. I've got to admit that this has been the lowest stress directing job I've ever had. My crew has been top notch and doing most of the work and allowing me to just say 'yea' or 'nay' most of the time. It's been a joy to watch the show come together and I'm happy with where we are except for the fact that I've got actors missing part of the final week. I couldn't help it though. I had the smallest turnout of actors at my auditions that I've ever experienced and luckily I did manage to get what I needed but the cost I paid was having actors missing rehearsals left and right. I don't want to go through this again and will probably start recruiting actors more if this is the trend. Anyway, things have been going smoothly and while I'm sure I get talk...

So it's been a busy month already.... and to top it off.... 2 inches of snow this morning? It's melting though.... because it went from 32 degrees to about 40 in the last couple of hours! I haven't seen snow this late since I was on the east coast. This has been the weirdest year. So.... our one act competition was last week and we did about as well as could be expected. We had some issues with sound, with the competition running so early that we held up the show waiting for Daryl (which about gave me a heart attack) and then the cast having to warm up and get used to electronically produced sound rather than an acoustic piano during our 10 minutes of set up. It was still amazing though and we kicked some major ass. We are the only theatre out of 11 that got a standing ovation and I think we honestly were the best production there. No.... we didn't win. And honestly, I am okay with that. I think that musicals still face a huge stigma in our state's competition and ...

So I have way too much on my already filled plate. I think that's true of a lot of people I know. I think I like to be too busy than not at all though. I am not complaining as much as I think I'm just trying to apologize in advance if I seem preoccupied, distant or deaf if you come within my proximity. ;-) I'm really excited about my show....whoops: showS. The one act is shaping up nicely and I just need to clean up and add some staging here and there. The cast is amazing....I'm really proud of them. I really think we have a shot at winning this competition (state level). This isn't my ego talking...we've got a great show and a great group of people doing it. I am really lucky that way. 'Mattress' is going to be a kick in the pants. I love this cast... they're so talented and so much fun already. My staff and crew are phenoms and I couldn't ask for better. I have had a terrific time at BCT thus far and it has far exceeded my expectations. I can ...

I always think this blog is so incredibly depressing. I think I just look at it as the spot where I can really let loose and say exactly what is on my mind. So, there are times that I do feel a bit more negative and want to just get it off my chest. I think this is also my alternate reality of sorts. I don't put exactly what I feel on FB or Myspace all the time. Here I feel a little more free. So I can talk about people and call them exactly what they are! Ha! I can also swear like a sailor if need be. I can be completely and utterly truthful. How free that feels. Right now, there is a dusting of snow on the ground and Buddy is curled up in my lap asleep. It is quiet and peaceful. I wish it could be like this for me all day.  Ahh..... I will revel in this as long as I can (a couple of minutes, at least) and try to remember this feeling of utter bliss. 

I think of Horton the Elephant in "Seussical" saying, "a person's a person no matter how small." Sometimes I feel like I am too small, even for Horton to notice me. I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party here. I have just been contemplating my life and wondering what is its true purpose? I certainly don't think my career is driving me toward some kind of nirvana. It's something that helps pays my bills (even if it isn't enough) and gives me some benefits. I am trying to figure out a way to get out of this rut and do something more meaningful. I am actually surprised to be sitting here at my age thinking these thoughts. I'm kind of wondering what do I have to show for it all?  Do I lead a small life? Do I live in a little microcosm like Who-ville?  Hmmmm, I don't know whether to philosophize or feel sad. 

So I am one of those few directors who likes to thank everyone for auditioning whether the actor gets cast or not. My SM crafted a thank you email to everyone that we didn't cast and thought it was very 'nice' considering it was a rejection letter. Of course, I could've not done anything but I think that's rude. Some people make think it's rubbing salt in the wound. I don't think so. I have learned one important thing doing theatre, especially community theatre. That thing is to thank everyone for being there. And I think it's considerate to say thank you for your time and talents but we chose to cast a different actor rather than saying thanks but no thanks. Anyway, one actor wrote my SM back this brief but concise response: "Don't call us. We'll call you." I'm like.... WTF? Sore loser? You'd think someone who was 40+ years old could learn to say cie la vie or que sera sera? Ugh.... what arrogance. Just take the high road next ...

Yikes.... Doing auditions for shows (musicals in particular) are getting to be more difficult. Harder to find enough bodies to be on the stage, especially men. I'm glad I got enough people in general for the show but I'm still about 2 guys shy of a full cast load. I wish more guys enjoyed singing and dancing and making general fools of themselves! You do realize that chicks dig this behavior, right?

I still can't believe that someone is trying to turn the video of "Thriller" into a full blown Broadway musical. Now don't get me wrong... I LOVED "Thriller". But a full on show??? Hmmmm..... I could be wrong I suppose. The funny part about it is that as soon as it hit the airwaves John Landis (writer/director of the video/movie) gets up and tells the world that MJ owes him huge back royalties for the video and there's no way in hell MJ can market this without #1 getting him what owed to him, and #2 giving him mucho rights and royalties for the Broadway show. What is it with MJ? He's got to either be the stupidest guy on the planet or the most nefarious for not following through on business deals.

Oh gosh..... I am so hooked on 'The Bachelor' this season. Normally I am not so involved but when there's finally a 'nice' guy to watch (and he happens to be from Seattle) it totally sucks you in! I am so emotionally invested in some of the girls who are competing for his heart it's just plain silly! Oh well, at least I get to enjoy my Monday nights and it helps me to relax and enjoy some down time with Mark! Yup.... he sits and watches it too! ;-) So..... it's now down to 5 ladies vying for the heart of Jason Mesnick. And now, the ladies all go to Seattle to be shown around the community they'd be living in. Do they realize how much it rains here?????? Now that's a true test of true love! LOL! I've been reading the message boards on the ABC website and all these idiots think that the relationship won't last because the girls couldn't make it in Seattle's dreary weather. Oh for Pete's sake..... it's not that bad! I love how s...

Okay, so I had my depressing meltdown last night..... I have them occasionally. I think yesterday was just too long of a day filled with too much activity that I'm not getting paid for. Considering it was my ONE day off...oh well. Now I can look forward to a week of trivial television shows that entertain me to no end. Tonight's line up is 'The Bachelor' and I know how shallow and lame it is but it entertains me. That's the key right there! Of course it competes with my current all-time favorite show 'Cities of the Underworld' but at least that show is on Comcast's On Demand so I can catch up with it! Beyond that, I typically get my Ace of Cakes fix on Food Network, my trashy Girls Next Door on E!, and some fun forensic CSI kind of shows on Tru TV. What a life! Hey.... it helps me escape the boring stuff.... like WORK.

I'm tired..... so I'm feeling somewhat emotional. I was looking at some pictures on someone's facebook account and it hit me in a deeply personal place. I really don't want to get into it but it makes me regret a lot of things I've done in my past. I can't take back my actions and I pay for them on a daily basis. It hurts.... I have prayed for some forgiveness in the past but I think I kind of put it into a dark corner of my mind and have tried to ignore it. Unfortunately, every now and then things come creeping back and remind me that they're still there and I'm still here with them. Right now, I just feel like crap, plain and simple. I won't mention any of this on myspace or facebook since everyone (including kids) reads my stuff over there. I'll just keep this dark and dreary stuff over here and put it out there on virtual paper and hope that writing this out makes me feel better. These are the times I wish my dad were still here. He was the o...

So I'm totally hooked on 'The Bachelor' this season. I can't help myself. It's like watching the proverbial train wreck. I am totally into it and find myself amazed at people's behavior. I am trying to remember TV before reality TV and noticed how much people have changed. It's so obvious that people are out to 'make it' and get famous (or infamous). I cannot believe how foul-mouthed some of these ladies get. Yes, I know there's some embarrassing moments plus some real anger when a girl is rejected but to swear like a sailor on national TV and to say "I know I'm beautiful" and "He's just a bleeping bleep-hole" just amazes me. Whatever happened to dignity? I guess it's not on 'The Bachelor'! Oh well.... I'm still going to continue watching it..... hey, it's my train wreck and I'll watch if I want to.....

I wish someone could have gotten it through my very thick head that good quality shoes are the best investment you can make in your life. Our feet take a major beating and they're the only ones we'll ever have. I am paying for my past 'fashion' choices and have to get pedicures to keep the calluses at bay. (Sorry if that's TMI but it's true.) So....those of you who are still young enough to be stupid... get good shoes and make sure they fit right. I know looks are important but the smart person will find the right shoe that still looks relatively cool.

I am an only child so I have had to be pretty strong in difficult situations. It's not that I don't have friends or family who help because I do. Mark has also been the veritable rock I have leaned on for the last 7 years. I think the worst time(s) of my life was when my dad was sick and eventually died. So today is my dad's birthday and I kind of have that melancholy vibe. Of course, I will be fine but I just miss the guy. It makes me think about the last five years and how fast time has flown. I am lucky to still have my very healthy mom, Mark as all as my very good friends. Some of them I consider to be my sisters. I don't have that many really close friends so I hope they know how special they are to me. I would like to mention a few of them here: Andrea - you are my other half. We think alike and do things at the same time! It scares me and yet it never surprises me! We will conquer the world together! I consider you the better half of me and love you de...

Ugh..... I blog so little these days and this poor blogger site has been ignored for 2 years because of it. I suppose I could just cut and paste the same thing on all the sites! Well, well.... since that is now the plan this lover-ly blog shall no longer be ignored! Many good things to come along this year I think. I am seriously considering quitting my current job (of course, this is just me thinking about it at this point) as I'm burning out hard and fast and want some new excitement in my life. I've been with them for almost 6 years and lots of changes have/are occurring so I'm thinking it might be the right time to search for something new. Of course, I do have some potential career opportunities within my volunteering. I'm hoping to switch careers so that I'm actually working in the non-profit arena and specifically in the arts. We're always told to do what we love and not be slaves to our jobs so I'm going to try to work that one out. If it doesn't...