Luck Be A Lady

This has been hands down the worst week of my life. Ironically, it has also been one of the best in terms of finding out how wonderful friends and family can be when I have been sinking into pretty much the depths of despair. I realized the truth of the following lyrics. I am overwhelmed by the truth of them. I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore, Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more, But the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry, From the waters lifted me, now safe am I. Refrain: Love lifted me! Love lifted me! When nothing else could help, Love lifted me! There are other verses but this truly meant the most to me. I know I have friends who are either agnostic or atheist and this is in no way an attempt to tell them or sell them on my beliefs. I just want everyone to know that life is definitely hard right now but I am managing. I have a good moment, then a bad one. Then I receive a note or a comment from a friend and I rise up ...

Jessie is my mom's 15 year old Shar Pei. She came home with us Monday night after the funeral home took care of the icky business of taking my mom's body away. She is completely deaf and nearly blind. She woke me up around 2 AM, wandering around, running into things, trying to eat some of her leftover dinner and drink some water. How many times have I seen a TV show or a newscast showing the flashing lights of a fire truck, police car in front of a house? How many times have I watched a cop show, hospital/ER show or any of those reality shows on Court TV that I love so much taking you to the scene of the crime, the scene of a death, etc.? What they really don't show is the aftermath...the real mess that's left for the living to deal with. Granted, I am not dealing with a murder, an accident or cataclysmic event but I'm sitting here at 4:30 am, watching Jessie struggle with the loss of her pack leader/mother. She is searching for her, wondering where the hell she i...

My wonderful mother was declared dead on Monday. I don't know exactly when she passed since I found her lying on the floor in her living room and was already unresponsive. I have never performed CPR 'for real' before until yesterday. I had never worked so hard in my life to try to bring someone back....but she was already gone. Deep down, I knew it but I tried and the paramedics tried for another 10-15 minutes. God bless the 911 operator who worked with me to keep me calm, the Bremerton and CK Fire departments and their paramedics. I have never seen such dedication and care given not only to the dying but to their loved ones as they sit there agonizing over the very thing they're trying to avoid.  They stayed with me while Mark rushed from the ferry to get to me and sent over their chaplain so we wouldn't be alone with my mother's body while waiting for the sheriff's department and coroner's office to release her body to the funeral home. The assistant...

It's been a semi-frustrating few years when it comes to performing. I have had more fun being the big-picture director or music director so stepping back into the not-so-comfortable-acting-shoes has had it's share of aches and pains.  I had a really hard time the last time I was on stage. There were multiple reasons for that but the biggest I think was that I had not originally planned to be involved in a show as I knew it would be an insanely busy time (which it was). In my former career, August & September were the most insane and busy of the year. Directors will agree with me - I know it is so tough to NOT direct when you're on the stage. You want to be helpful and you end up being so damn observant of everyone else that you forget what you're doing. Well, not 'forget' but you stop acting/reacting out of habit. It's a really tough shift for me but I'm slowly finding that my acting shoes have some give in them and they're starting to get comf...

Yee gods, I can't believe a month of performances has flown by and FAME is now over. It has been a long summer getting the show prepped, dealing with the typical issues that go on and eventually taking on the music director-ship of the show. I did not want to have any involvement as a music director after a long year of doing that plus directing two shows.  I was very wary, so sure that burnout would pervade my attitude and make me a less effective musician and band leader.  I loved the show and what I was doing with it up until that point (assisting Andy who was a first time director) and the cast was a joy to work with. Luckily, the music wasn't hard (well, it's not easy either but it was definitely doable without much practice time on my part) and I got some of the best guys in the county to play (including my wonderful husband!).  I would have loved to have had horns in the pit but it turned out having a rhythm section with two keyboards worked out just fine and I...

If you didn't catch the previous blog, crepuscule means 'twilight'. Can you imagine if Stephanie Meyer had named her book series, 'Crepuscule' instead of Twilight?  My, my.... all the teens would no longer be twi-hards but crep-heads or pus-buckets!  I keep chuckling as I think about this possibility. Beyond the silliness of this thought, I've been thinking long and hard about the 'twilight'. By that I mean, have I reached that point in my life where it's time to make some major changes? Am I stagnant here doing whatever it is I'm doing? Should I consider taking a new road and say adios to the old and welcome some new hobbies, career, etc.? As for hobbies, I love music and I love doing theatre. REALLY love it. But if it creates more drama in my life than is already there is it worth it? Ah... that is the penultimate question, my friends. Of course, it's not worth it. Especially when it creeps into the life I have with my wonderful husband...

Now that I've discovered my old friend (this blog) I feel like I've come home again. I enjoy writing as much as I enjoy reading but I keep forgetting to write. Things get in the way.... Anyway, I'm in the midst of rehearsing for a musical called 'The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee' and I am playing a role I've wanted since I first heard the Broadway cast recording some years ago. I have been directing so much these past 11 years that acting began to take a backseat. I was firmly convinced that directing was where my heart was at and that acting, while fun was not the way I wanted to express myself creatively. The teacher in me always wants to help others be better, the perfectionist in me wants to put on a show the 'right' way (which is also known as 'my way', LOL). I was one of those theatre people who used to go from show to show, year after year and loved it. Even if I was in a serious relationship, this was such a part of me that my p...

Gads.... I looked back at the date of my last blog and it's been 14 months. My, my.... time flies. Life has indeed changed enormously in 14 months. I quit my old job. I got engaged on the last day of employment with Mills. I started a new job in the arts. I continued to have a long term house guest during this time. Mark bought me a beautiful ring which I still love for its careful design/beauty/thoughtfulness. I struggled with things at work and couldn't put my finger on what or why since it was what I wanted for so long. The holidays came and went.... it was such a joy to buy gifts, wrap them cleverly, make the holiday turkeys, etc. I directed a wonderful Sinatra holiday show in the midst of it. While I pretty much just had to tell people where to stand and help with design while my set designer, music director and choreographer did the hard stuff I still felt enormous pride for the outcome. It was beautiful. I spent the beginning of 2010 struggling to find music directors...

This is the umpteenth time I've tried to sit down and write this blog. Isn't it amazing how life can just get 'in the way' of some things? I was re-reading one of my favorite books this morning since I was up early and didn't want to go back to bed and the author was talking about how her mind fights her when she tried/tries to meditate. She's a serious yoga student but she's also a control freak/neurotic/creative type which cracks me up since I feel like I'm the same way. I wanted to find time to meditate and sometimes I just can't. I don't get up early enough in the day or stay late enough at night to do it. Maybe that's a change that needs to happen. Hmmm.... So, I finally gave notice at Mills. Six years here and now I'm moving onward to a risky yet I think fun job. I think I've been in training for it for more than 15 years and now I'm going to have to try and see if I can be a success at it. I'm really excited.... and to...

Well..... I hope to be able to say with firm conviction that my last days at MM within my sight. I am awaiting the verdict from an non-profit organization to see if they're going to approve my hiring next week. If so.... my start date is September 1, 2009 (or actually anytime I want to start!). Keeping my fingers crossed..... My boss will have a coronary..... I'll be leaving right at the beginning of the school year. Not a great way/time to leave, music retail is it? Oh well, my sanity and patience have been tested to the core. It is time for me to work and worry about me and my goals rather than be constantly worried about a job that nags me and expects me to do more and get paid less (can you believe I've not had a raise in 3 years? Thanks a lot economy - what's going on Mr. President? Some of us need that raise!) I really did enjoy my stay there.... and officially, I'm still their employee until I give notice....which I won't until the offer comes through.......

So.... the economy sucks which in turn makes business slow which means payroll kept getting cut down. Well, finally the shit hits the fan and now we have to cut way back and I have let go of most of the employees. This just bites. So I get to work 6 day work weeks all summer, losing some of my voice lesson money. This is really aggravating me. I already am under contract to work 6 day weeks from September to December. I'm also going to lose my Christmas vacation thanks to old fashioned thinking as it is. I'm so done..... I need to find something else that can make me feel a little more appreciated and respected. Done with my rant.

Dang it! I am so bad about doing this right now. I don't seem to be able to make the time to download pics and write anything these days. Bad Trina! I'll try to do better from now on. I will get my camera out today! I will take pictures. I will post pictures. And I will write something clever. Well... I will try to, anyway. :-)

I wrote this blog on my facebook and myspace pages but feel it really belongs here more than anyplace else. My theatrical love letter: I am scratching my head in amazement at the process of putting together a production yet again. It never ceases to amaze me what kind of work it takes to 'put on a show.' One of my previous blogs mentioned the importance of the word 'community' in community theatre and it's never as important as it is right now. I liken this experience to being the captain of a big ship. I am only overseeing the actions of the ship whilst all these amazing people are designing, building, sewing, painting, singing, lighting, acting, and gluing things. Yes, I told people where to stand. Yes, I even did some choreography. I even try to make people as funny and as natural looking as possible. Ultimately, it took a village to create this little entity called 'Once Upon a Mattress.' A lot of blood, sweat and tears have gone into this show and I can...

Well, I'm into what's affectionately known as "Hell" week for my show. Hell Week is the final week of rehearsal leading right into the opening performances of the production. I've got to admit that this has been the lowest stress directing job I've ever had. My crew has been top notch and doing most of the work and allowing me to just say 'yea' or 'nay' most of the time. It's been a joy to watch the show come together and I'm happy with where we are except for the fact that I've got actors missing part of the final week. I couldn't help it though. I had the smallest turnout of actors at my auditions that I've ever experienced and luckily I did manage to get what I needed but the cost I paid was having actors missing rehearsals left and right. I don't want to go through this again and will probably start recruiting actors more if this is the trend. Anyway, things have been going smoothly and while I'm sure I get talk...

So it's been a busy month already.... and to top it off.... 2 inches of snow this morning? It's melting though.... because it went from 32 degrees to about 40 in the last couple of hours! I haven't seen snow this late since I was on the east coast. This has been the weirdest year. So.... our one act competition was last week and we did about as well as could be expected. We had some issues with sound, with the competition running so early that we held up the show waiting for Daryl (which about gave me a heart attack) and then the cast having to warm up and get used to electronically produced sound rather than an acoustic piano during our 10 minutes of set up. It was still amazing though and we kicked some major ass. We are the only theatre out of 11 that got a standing ovation and I think we honestly were the best production there. No.... we didn't win. And honestly, I am okay with that. I think that musicals still face a huge stigma in our state's competition and ...

So I have way too much on my already filled plate. I think that's true of a lot of people I know. I think I like to be too busy than not at all though. I am not complaining as much as I think I'm just trying to apologize in advance if I seem preoccupied, distant or deaf if you come within my proximity. ;-) I'm really excited about my show....whoops: showS. The one act is shaping up nicely and I just need to clean up and add some staging here and there. The cast is amazing....I'm really proud of them. I really think we have a shot at winning this competition (state level). This isn't my ego talking...we've got a great show and a great group of people doing it. I am really lucky that way. 'Mattress' is going to be a kick in the pants. I love this cast... they're so talented and so much fun already. My staff and crew are phenoms and I couldn't ask for better. I have had a terrific time at BCT thus far and it has far exceeded my expectations. I can ...

I always think this blog is so incredibly depressing. I think I just look at it as the spot where I can really let loose and say exactly what is on my mind. So, there are times that I do feel a bit more negative and want to just get it off my chest. I think this is also my alternate reality of sorts. I don't put exactly what I feel on FB or Myspace all the time. Here I feel a little more free. So I can talk about people and call them exactly what they are! Ha! I can also swear like a sailor if need be. I can be completely and utterly truthful. How free that feels. Right now, there is a dusting of snow on the ground and Buddy is curled up in my lap asleep. It is quiet and peaceful. I wish it could be like this for me all day.  Ahh..... I will revel in this as long as I can (a couple of minutes, at least) and try to remember this feeling of utter bliss. 

I think of Horton the Elephant in "Seussical" saying, "a person's a person no matter how small." Sometimes I feel like I am too small, even for Horton to notice me. I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party here. I have just been contemplating my life and wondering what is its true purpose? I certainly don't think my career is driving me toward some kind of nirvana. It's something that helps pays my bills (even if it isn't enough) and gives me some benefits. I am trying to figure out a way to get out of this rut and do something more meaningful. I am actually surprised to be sitting here at my age thinking these thoughts. I'm kind of wondering what do I have to show for it all?  Do I lead a small life? Do I live in a little microcosm like Who-ville?  Hmmmm, I don't know whether to philosophize or feel sad. 

So I am one of those few directors who likes to thank everyone for auditioning whether the actor gets cast or not. My SM crafted a thank you email to everyone that we didn't cast and thought it was very 'nice' considering it was a rejection letter. Of course, I could've not done anything but I think that's rude. Some people make think it's rubbing salt in the wound. I don't think so. I have learned one important thing doing theatre, especially community theatre. That thing is to thank everyone for being there. And I think it's considerate to say thank you for your time and talents but we chose to cast a different actor rather than saying thanks but no thanks. Anyway, one actor wrote my SM back this brief but concise response: "Don't call us. We'll call you." I'm like.... WTF? Sore loser? You'd think someone who was 40+ years old could learn to say cie la vie or que sera sera? Ugh.... what arrogance. Just take the high road next ...

Yikes.... Doing auditions for shows (musicals in particular) are getting to be more difficult. Harder to find enough bodies to be on the stage, especially men. I'm glad I got enough people in general for the show but I'm still about 2 guys shy of a full cast load. I wish more guys enjoyed singing and dancing and making general fools of themselves! You do realize that chicks dig this behavior, right?