Luck Be A Lady

I have been feeling a little blah lately. I know part of it is just the normal depression I've been dealing with for the past 6 months. I know that with time this will all get better. Since they (whoever they are) say that 'time heals all wounds' I'm counting of the pain of my loss diminishing bit by bit and the regular me will finally be back. Life still goes on of course but I sure do find it hard sometimes to even get out of bed (or off the sofa) and be ambitious. Some days I'm better but the past few have been more difficult. I'm not worrying about this so much and just being able to say that it's been hard to motivate myself makes me feel a lot better. I can acknowledge it and move forward. Anyway, on to what I meant to discuss: as life does go on I was thinking about all my expectations in the arts whether it's music (both my husband and I are professional level musicians), theatre, movies, writing, art, etc. I find that I am super critical of ...

I had one of my recurring nightmares last night.... this one I've been having off and on for more than 20 years. I always hate it because it takes place in a very large, old and very scary looking building with more rooms and square footage than meets the eye. It's decrepit and gross in places and without going into too much detail, there can be a lot of disgusting solid matter lying about. What was strange about this dream was it woke me up around 6:15am (usually it's a 2 or 3 am thing) and as soon as I got up and realized it was 'that' dream I didn't want to go back to bed because I was sure I'd fall back into the dream. I got up, went to the bathroom and then got myself a drink from the kitchen to delay the inevitable. I finally crawled back into bed and sure enough I started dreaming the damn dream again. I couldn't stand it..... I even knew it was a dream and kept saying 'wake up!' to myself. What happened next is what happens to so many...

Today is my little Muffin's foster mom's birthday. I am so grateful for all these wonderful people who make it their life's work to rescue animals and give them refuge and eventually a 'forever' home. Our little furry girl has been with us for 14 months and she's finally acclimated to our life. She is such a crazy little pup...but of the three we've rescued she is the one who loves to cuddle, especially with Mark. Candy (Muffin's FM) is such a sweet and gracious gal from Taiwan who still goes about her day (after working a full time job) trying to save dogs from these crazy, vicious people who think it's fun to abandon them or even worse, kill them for sport.  She and the gang at Ocean Dog Rescue are amazing... I am so grateful I came upon their site and was able to save one pup. I wish I had the resources to save them all but since we've already rescued two others and taken on my mom's dog we're at our maximum at the moment.  Seriou...

I feel like a sinking ship right now. I knew I'd start to get a little depressed once I got close to the weekend and it's finally hitting me. No show this weekend...le sigh. While I'm glad (and Mark is too!) to have my weekends back I really loved this role and this show. I loved these songs, the story, etc. The only thing I won't miss is the frantic costume changing of Act II! Mark wants to get me a replica of Edie Beale's scarf pin as a memento (or as Edie would say...memora-bay-le-a) which I think is a wonderful idea. I have always loved scarves but typically they're around my neck as opposed to on my head. Now, having had to go through an entire act of a show with a scarf on my head (or a sweater!) I found it quite stylish and fun. You certainly don't have to worry about your hair! I definitely plan to invest in an Hermes scarf or two (they're pricey!) and start hunting at shops for antique ones. I think that's a great way to remember Miss Ed...

I just finished a run of 'Grey Gardens', the musical that is based on the movie (documentary) of the same name. I had the joy of playing both mom and daughter so it was an amazing experience to try to figure out the relationship from both ends. I'm still in shock that it's over. I can't fathom the fact that I don't have to do this show again next weekend. It's become very ingrained in me. Mark notices that my speech patterns and accent have changed. We laugh about it but it's true that Edie Beale has merged with me in more ways than one. I'm going to really feel the loss of this show. At the moment I'm just tired enough to not really feel it. But I know I will.... sure I have two shows to direct this coming season and another show to vocal direct so it is time to move on. But it will be tough to say goodbye to Edith and Edie. I know I'll shed a tear or two.

Sixteen years ago I was living life and not worrying about much.... I was enjoying being in a relationship and doing theatre (I was on a pretty long run of show after show after show - I had lots more energy and time back then!) and working for a music store. I felt like I was thriving..... not much to worry about other than where was vacation going to be that year! Sixteen years ago all was well. It was the calm before the storm before the rug was to be yanked from under me. Sixteen years ago a little puppy was born in June. She was a little black furball, all wrinkly and adorable. She was to live a life of fear and hell for her first year but within a few months she would join my family.  When I first met Jessie she was almost 15 months old and scared of her own shadow. She'd been horribly mistreated by her previous owner and the breeder took her back and decided to only sell her to a family that would not attempt to breed or show her - just love her and let her live a happy ...

That's a song title & quote from my current show, Grey Gardens. It's interesting to be in a play that is based on people that existed on this planet and then to hear real quotes either as dialogue or song lyrics. Norman Vincent Peale is a character in this play and this song is a transitional piece as well as a way to give the audience some relief in the middle of so much tragedy. During the show I have no connection to this song only because I'm rushing from a scene back to the dressing room to do a quick change. I do know the song since I learned it during rehearsals and I sang it with the cast during warmups on Sunday. It was nice to really hear the lyrics, sing along and get some 'happy' since the show itself isn't necessarily joyful. I find that this show drains me emotionally as well as physically so it takes me a couple of days to get out of my funk. I actually got home Sunday afternoon and was aching so bad I just wanted to crawl into bed. Mark t...

Continuing with today's blog.... My big acting gig came about this Spring when I got cast in "Grey Garden's" at the lovely Jewel Box Theatre in Poulsbo. Yes, this is a musical based on the documentary of the same name. It's the story of Big Edie & Little Edie Bouvier (aunt and cousin of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis) and I finally have gotten the role(s) of my lifetime. I'm not saying that Mama Rose (Gypsy), Maria (Sound of Music),  Diana (Chorus Line), Eve/Mama (Children of Eden) or Aldonza/Dulcinea (Man of LaMancha)  weren't big dream roles because they were. I am so grateful for those experiences in more ways than one. If anything they all prepped me for this experience. I have had issues with memorizing lines over the past few shows. I don't know if it was fear, procrastination, doubt, or combinations thereof but I was really worried about this show. I learned the songs relatively fast, mainly by listening to the cd for 8 weeks. I haven...

I should write more often.... I say that practically every time I write an entry! I really and truly enjoy doing this. I've always thought I should write a book and I do have several of them in my head. I guess it's a matter of sitting down and letting the words pour through my fingers and onto the keyboard, right? I think I'll try to start that project this year. I've got a couple of projects lines up already and two of them are shows to direct. I'm happy I've basically had this year off to do whatever I wanted. I've been teaching part-time, but that's it. I actually have been home a lot, watching the dogs and enjoying what little sunshine & warmth we've been given this Spring. Sad state of affairs around our beautiful Pacific NW only having about 4 days of warmth, right? Gee whiz, Mother Nature.... get your act together so we housewives can enjoy some time outside?  I only started truly gardening a few days ago since I was busy with my curren...