Luck Be A Lady

One thing I have been meaning to write about is my mom's funeral. It was small and lovely, just the way I think she would have wanted it. I only put the info in the paper and let family and friends know. I wanted it to be a mass of celebration and hope and it was. I will admit seeing my mom's ashes/urn at the church was a shock. The thought of her body being reduced to dust really got to me but Father David spoke so eloquently and gave me some sense of peace and understanding. He made my burden lighter considering it was the final 'goodbye'. The parish choir ladies and the altar society were so sweet. They were so genuine in wanting to ease our grief - I have never felt so supported by so many people. My dear friend Mary Reynolds was the pianist for the service which also made the music so much better. Many wonderful friends stood by me as I tried to just get through the day. Deacon Jim and the staff of Miller Woodlawn were also so wonderful as we held the Catholi...

'Steel Magnolias' is one of my all-time favorite plays/movies (I happen to like both). This blog title is a quote from Clarèe speaking to M'Lynn when she is worrying about Shelby's pregnancy. I always think about this quote during the darkest times. I've definitely had my share of dark times this year and yet I've had some incredibly happy moments too. One of the fondest memories I have of this year is when Mark and I just left the wedding chapel in Las Vegas and were driving back to our hotel to celebrate and we called my mom to let her know we were Mr. & Mrs. Jackson. She was so happy - she was practically giddy with joy. She's watched me go through some ups and downs when it comes to love and she was so thrilled that I married Mark. She just adored him. I am facing the prospect of dealing with my first Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthday without my mom. I'm not at all happy about this. I find every sappy holiday commercial on television to...

A friend of mine had this quote as her FB status and I had forgotten about this. I need to re-read this book. I already feel better knowing the genius that is A.A. Milne. :-) "Promise me you'll always remember: You're BRAVER than you believe - and STRONGER than you seem - and SMARTER than you think." Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh.

"This is my command: be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." I just read this.... I really needed it. The past few days have been odd for me. I've been waiting to get the house to myself (my mother in law was here for 18 months) and we've added my mom's dog to our pack so I have a lot of furry kids running around. Just the same, the house feels super empty and the one thing I want to go do I can't because my mom isn't here anymore. I am so frustrated that I can't see her or talk to her and get her instant reaction to things. I have so many things I want to talk about and get her opinion but I feel like my sounding board has been ripped away from me and I'm stuck talking to myself. I have a great support network around me and I know everyone is willing to be with me and let me rant and rave but it's not what I want. For the first time in my life I need my mom and she ...

And another day goes by.... today was semi normal. I only teared up a couple of times during the day and I was able to talk to my hair stylist about my hell-a-cious week without bawling. It was therapeutic to be able to talk to someone who is basically paid to listen to me - isn't that odd? But seriously, blabbing away to Nora was the the thing I needed today. I guess that it was also good that I went to GJ and had my hair colored and cut (my grays are coming in faster and faster - stress and grief are sure ways of increasing hair loss and gray gain!) even though I probably could have waited a few more weeks. I really needed to do something really nice for myself even though financially it has taken me down a chunk. I guess my sanity is more important than my checkbook these days. Seriously, I actually enjoyed this day which was mostly spent on my own. The sun was shining, the sky was the bluest I've seen in ages and it was warm outside. I drove and saw the incredibly majes...

So..... my major distraction has finished and the real world comes back to haunt me.  Ugh.... I was in the midst of rehearsing 'The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee' right when my mom died this week. That was definitely in the big plan. Keep me occupied (and Mark too, since he was in the show) so that I would have something that was artistic and joyful to focus on while in the depths of despair. Oy veh, I will miss this show. It was such a blast getting to work with some great talent. I know I wasn't at my best vocally, emotionally or physically after what I've been through but I used whatever energy that was left in me and threw it out there during this weekend's performances. Some old friends and some new were involved. Some younger and some older. It was a great mix of people and I liked each and everyone of them.  I have enjoyed being an actor again. What a nice change from being in charge of everything to just trying to do my small part. Ensemble ac...