Luck Be A Lady

This has been hands down the worst week of my life. Ironically, it has also been one of the best in terms of finding out how wonderful friends and family can be when I have been sinking into pretty much the depths of despair. I realized the truth of the following lyrics. I am overwhelmed by the truth of them. I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore, Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more, But the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry, From the waters lifted me, now safe am I. Refrain: Love lifted me! Love lifted me! When nothing else could help, Love lifted me! There are other verses but this truly meant the most to me. I know I have friends who are either agnostic or atheist and this is in no way an attempt to tell them or sell them on my beliefs. I just want everyone to know that life is definitely hard right now but I am managing. I have a good moment, then a bad one. Then I receive a note or a comment from a friend and I rise up ...

Jessie is my mom's 15 year old Shar Pei. She came home with us Monday night after the funeral home took care of the icky business of taking my mom's body away. She is completely deaf and nearly blind. She woke me up around 2 AM, wandering around, running into things, trying to eat some of her leftover dinner and drink some water. How many times have I seen a TV show or a newscast showing the flashing lights of a fire truck, police car in front of a house? How many times have I watched a cop show, hospital/ER show or any of those reality shows on Court TV that I love so much taking you to the scene of the crime, the scene of a death, etc.? What they really don't show is the aftermath...the real mess that's left for the living to deal with. Granted, I am not dealing with a murder, an accident or cataclysmic event but I'm sitting here at 4:30 am, watching Jessie struggle with the loss of her pack leader/mother. She is searching for her, wondering where the hell she i...

My wonderful mother was declared dead on Monday. I don't know exactly when she passed since I found her lying on the floor in her living room and was already unresponsive. I have never performed CPR 'for real' before until yesterday. I had never worked so hard in my life to try to bring someone back....but she was already gone. Deep down, I knew it but I tried and the paramedics tried for another 10-15 minutes. God bless the 911 operator who worked with me to keep me calm, the Bremerton and CK Fire departments and their paramedics. I have never seen such dedication and care given not only to the dying but to their loved ones as they sit there agonizing over the very thing they're trying to avoid.  They stayed with me while Mark rushed from the ferry to get to me and sent over their chaplain so we wouldn't be alone with my mother's body while waiting for the sheriff's department and coroner's office to release her body to the funeral home. The assistant...

It's been a semi-frustrating few years when it comes to performing. I have had more fun being the big-picture director or music director so stepping back into the not-so-comfortable-acting-shoes has had it's share of aches and pains.  I had a really hard time the last time I was on stage. There were multiple reasons for that but the biggest I think was that I had not originally planned to be involved in a show as I knew it would be an insanely busy time (which it was). In my former career, August & September were the most insane and busy of the year. Directors will agree with me - I know it is so tough to NOT direct when you're on the stage. You want to be helpful and you end up being so damn observant of everyone else that you forget what you're doing. Well, not 'forget' but you stop acting/reacting out of habit. It's a really tough shift for me but I'm slowly finding that my acting shoes have some give in them and they're starting to get comf...

Yee gods, I can't believe a month of performances has flown by and FAME is now over. It has been a long summer getting the show prepped, dealing with the typical issues that go on and eventually taking on the music director-ship of the show. I did not want to have any involvement as a music director after a long year of doing that plus directing two shows.  I was very wary, so sure that burnout would pervade my attitude and make me a less effective musician and band leader.  I loved the show and what I was doing with it up until that point (assisting Andy who was a first time director) and the cast was a joy to work with. Luckily, the music wasn't hard (well, it's not easy either but it was definitely doable without much practice time on my part) and I got some of the best guys in the county to play (including my wonderful husband!).  I would have loved to have had horns in the pit but it turned out having a rhythm section with two keyboards worked out just fine and I...

If you didn't catch the previous blog, crepuscule means 'twilight'. Can you imagine if Stephanie Meyer had named her book series, 'Crepuscule' instead of Twilight?  My, my.... all the teens would no longer be twi-hards but crep-heads or pus-buckets!  I keep chuckling as I think about this possibility. Beyond the silliness of this thought, I've been thinking long and hard about the 'twilight'. By that I mean, have I reached that point in my life where it's time to make some major changes? Am I stagnant here doing whatever it is I'm doing? Should I consider taking a new road and say adios to the old and welcome some new hobbies, career, etc.? As for hobbies, I love music and I love doing theatre. REALLY love it. But if it creates more drama in my life than is already there is it worth it? Ah... that is the penultimate question, my friends. Of course, it's not worth it. Especially when it creeps into the life I have with my wonderful husband...

Now that I've discovered my old friend (this blog) I feel like I've come home again. I enjoy writing as much as I enjoy reading but I keep forgetting to write. Things get in the way.... Anyway, I'm in the midst of rehearsing for a musical called 'The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee' and I am playing a role I've wanted since I first heard the Broadway cast recording some years ago. I have been directing so much these past 11 years that acting began to take a backseat. I was firmly convinced that directing was where my heart was at and that acting, while fun was not the way I wanted to express myself creatively. The teacher in me always wants to help others be better, the perfectionist in me wants to put on a show the 'right' way (which is also known as 'my way', LOL). I was one of those theatre people who used to go from show to show, year after year and loved it. Even if I was in a serious relationship, this was such a part of me that my p...

Gads.... I looked back at the date of my last blog and it's been 14 months. My, my.... time flies. Life has indeed changed enormously in 14 months. I quit my old job. I got engaged on the last day of employment with Mills. I started a new job in the arts. I continued to have a long term house guest during this time. Mark bought me a beautiful ring which I still love for its careful design/beauty/thoughtfulness. I struggled with things at work and couldn't put my finger on what or why since it was what I wanted for so long. The holidays came and went.... it was such a joy to buy gifts, wrap them cleverly, make the holiday turkeys, etc. I directed a wonderful Sinatra holiday show in the midst of it. While I pretty much just had to tell people where to stand and help with design while my set designer, music director and choreographer did the hard stuff I still felt enormous pride for the outcome. It was beautiful. I spent the beginning of 2010 struggling to find music directors...