Time is on my side....yes it is???
How does 3 years go by without a blog posting? I don't know the answer to that. I am shocked that I haven't been writing here for that long. But I guess with a full time job that kind of enveloped me and made me focus on things other than myself kind of took this away from me for awhile.
I've missed writing a lot. I didn't realize how much until a had a blog post pop up in my Facebook memories. I sat and read several of my posts from 2012 and I sobbed... I was in a lot of pain. We lost 2 dogs in a week (both were seniors) and then one of our cats about a month later. Mark and I were reeling from that loss in more ways than I think either of us realized. We had been through a lot over the past couple of years since we married in 2010. We lost my mom, I lost a job I thought I was meant to do for the rest of my life, and I was in a constant state of depression for about 2.5 years or so. I still can't believe how much gray hair came in during that time! And now of course, the gray is trying to stage a massive takeover on my poor head, LOL. They're NOT going to win that battle... at least not for awhile yet!
We have been through a lot in these past few years.... some good, and some not so good. Mark lost his job, not once but twice thanks to a corporate shakeup. Ultimately, it lead him back home though and away from that horrible commute. He was not getting any sleep, trying so hard to keep us financially solvent while I moped and shut myself off from the world while I fought through my depression. Eventually, he figured out he needed to switch gears and find a new career and is now working his way up in the real estate world. It's not a comfortable career since it's totally 100% driven by you. It's YOUR business and you don't have anyone to rely on... at least until you create a group of your own. He's doing fine though.... and I'm super proud of him for taking this risk.
I realize that while I went through my tough times between 2010-2015 or so I was still managing to do some artistic work. I started working on shows again in 2011 and I was a summer arts camp teacher for 5 years. I've directed a lot of shows, musically directed a handful and finally found good jobs with the government (first the city of Bremerton, and then with the US Navy) that gave me some of my confidence back. I have had trouble feeling confident to say the least - I constantly second guessed myself and wondered if I could even do these jobs. Now, these jobs aren't complicated but I realized I was suffering from some form of PTSD. I had been beaten down and I couldn't see the good in me. It was hard to climb out of that hole of depression. In hindsight, I know that I wasn't necessarily in need of all these 'bad' things but it definitely gave me an opportunity to get closer to God, get back to church along with Mark who joined the Catholic church. It gave me the chance to do some performing (some of the biggest roles I've ever played on the stage - Maria Callas and Edie Beale) and it has given me the chance to be thankful for all the good things that have since come my way.
My job (or jobs since I've had 3 different ones in a year's time!) at PSNS has morphed into something I am really excited about. I no longer work on the waterfront but I am so glad I had almost 2 years out there. I respect and appreciate all the mechanics out there working hard to keep our Navy safe. I try to do my best to make sure our mechanics get the best possible training and can be confident about their abilities. I want to keep working with and for people's best interests. I have an idea of what I'd like to do and feel comfortable finally getting a mentor to work with me towards that path.
I'm also doing some direct sales - partly to supplement income but partly because a part of me will always be sales manager. I loved managing retail stores for 20+ years and doing Jamberry has been so much fun for me. I'm thinking about branching out even more - but thats an idea that needs some thought still.
Theatrically, I no longer teach in the summers because of my full time job but I have 3 shows I'm directing in the next 12 months. It's back to the normal frenetic craziness of theatre - something I haven't really experienced in a while. I feel like the creative juices are finally starting to flow again - and that's a great feeling.
I am also struggling a bit with my weight... I lost a ton of it in 2013/2014 but it's crept back and it's not coming off as easily as the first time. Time for me to get back to a gym routine - the clean eating part is now easy for me so it's definitely my time to be a gym rat again. I'm really looking forward to that now that my knee is finally feeling about 80% cured from my injury almost 2 years ago! Gosh....that's a whole different story! Just glad that I can walk and didn't need surgery!
So... no regrets! Time IS on my side. I've not been wasting it. Rather, I've been evolving and getting more emotionally centered. Figuring out my priorities, getting on a path towards retirement (not for at least 10+ years! yet) and making sure my family is taken care of. I'm looking forward to the next 3 years....seeing what's out there and getting ready to tackle the world!!!
I've missed writing a lot. I didn't realize how much until a had a blog post pop up in my Facebook memories. I sat and read several of my posts from 2012 and I sobbed... I was in a lot of pain. We lost 2 dogs in a week (both were seniors) and then one of our cats about a month later. Mark and I were reeling from that loss in more ways than I think either of us realized. We had been through a lot over the past couple of years since we married in 2010. We lost my mom, I lost a job I thought I was meant to do for the rest of my life, and I was in a constant state of depression for about 2.5 years or so. I still can't believe how much gray hair came in during that time! And now of course, the gray is trying to stage a massive takeover on my poor head, LOL. They're NOT going to win that battle... at least not for awhile yet!
We have been through a lot in these past few years.... some good, and some not so good. Mark lost his job, not once but twice thanks to a corporate shakeup. Ultimately, it lead him back home though and away from that horrible commute. He was not getting any sleep, trying so hard to keep us financially solvent while I moped and shut myself off from the world while I fought through my depression. Eventually, he figured out he needed to switch gears and find a new career and is now working his way up in the real estate world. It's not a comfortable career since it's totally 100% driven by you. It's YOUR business and you don't have anyone to rely on... at least until you create a group of your own. He's doing fine though.... and I'm super proud of him for taking this risk.
I realize that while I went through my tough times between 2010-2015 or so I was still managing to do some artistic work. I started working on shows again in 2011 and I was a summer arts camp teacher for 5 years. I've directed a lot of shows, musically directed a handful and finally found good jobs with the government (first the city of Bremerton, and then with the US Navy) that gave me some of my confidence back. I have had trouble feeling confident to say the least - I constantly second guessed myself and wondered if I could even do these jobs. Now, these jobs aren't complicated but I realized I was suffering from some form of PTSD. I had been beaten down and I couldn't see the good in me. It was hard to climb out of that hole of depression. In hindsight, I know that I wasn't necessarily in need of all these 'bad' things but it definitely gave me an opportunity to get closer to God, get back to church along with Mark who joined the Catholic church. It gave me the chance to do some performing (some of the biggest roles I've ever played on the stage - Maria Callas and Edie Beale) and it has given me the chance to be thankful for all the good things that have since come my way.
My job (or jobs since I've had 3 different ones in a year's time!) at PSNS has morphed into something I am really excited about. I no longer work on the waterfront but I am so glad I had almost 2 years out there. I respect and appreciate all the mechanics out there working hard to keep our Navy safe. I try to do my best to make sure our mechanics get the best possible training and can be confident about their abilities. I want to keep working with and for people's best interests. I have an idea of what I'd like to do and feel comfortable finally getting a mentor to work with me towards that path.
I'm also doing some direct sales - partly to supplement income but partly because a part of me will always be sales manager. I loved managing retail stores for 20+ years and doing Jamberry has been so much fun for me. I'm thinking about branching out even more - but thats an idea that needs some thought still.
Theatrically, I no longer teach in the summers because of my full time job but I have 3 shows I'm directing in the next 12 months. It's back to the normal frenetic craziness of theatre - something I haven't really experienced in a while. I feel like the creative juices are finally starting to flow again - and that's a great feeling.
I am also struggling a bit with my weight... I lost a ton of it in 2013/2014 but it's crept back and it's not coming off as easily as the first time. Time for me to get back to a gym routine - the clean eating part is now easy for me so it's definitely my time to be a gym rat again. I'm really looking forward to that now that my knee is finally feeling about 80% cured from my injury almost 2 years ago! Gosh....that's a whole different story! Just glad that I can walk and didn't need surgery!
So... no regrets! Time IS on my side. I've not been wasting it. Rather, I've been evolving and getting more emotionally centered. Figuring out my priorities, getting on a path towards retirement (not for at least 10+ years! yet) and making sure my family is taken care of. I'm looking forward to the next 3 years....seeing what's out there and getting ready to tackle the world!!!
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