Pity - Party of One?

You know...... I hate it when people whine. I absolutely hate it. Even when kids do it it just about makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I don't know why it is but that's a huge pet peeve of mine.

BUT..... that is ALL I want to do today. I am feeling SORRY for ME. I am so sick and tired of not being able to get a full-time job. I have applied for literally hundreds of jobs and the number of calls or interviews I've gotten from them can be counted on ONE HAND. 

I am beginning to feel desperate. I don't know what else I can do. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I have redone my cover letters, redone my resumes, talked to everyone I know and then some and I still can't seem to find the right job. Hell, I can't even find the wrong job or the temporary job.

Now I know I'm not applying at restaurants or fast food places.....yet. I am not applying at places that require me to lift 50 lbs because I just can't do that. I am trying to avoid some lines of work because I know I am just not right or capable but I'm at the point where I'm wondering if I even have a choice?

UGH - I am WHINING. I am feeling SORRY for myself. I want to DRINK myself into a drunken stupor. I feel crappy. I am retaining water and yes it's THAT time of the month, damn it!

So yeah, I'm having a freakin' pity party for one here. I don't know what else to do. I am mad, scared and feel alone. Poor Mark is worrying about finances and trying not to pressure me since I'm doing what I can to find a job. We're just not able to make it on one salary and I have to make a certain amount of money to help get us out of the deep dark black hole of debt.

I know somewhere out there that there is an answer. I know we can make it but right now I'm pretty much in that perpetual 'valley' and can't seem to find my way out.  And truthfully, I am tired of hearing people telling me to be grateful and count my blessings or to say that 'they (prospective employers who didn't choose me) obviously don't know me or else they would have hired me.'  I'm tired of it. Just plain tired. I have tried so damn hard to be patient. I gave myself until June 1st of this year to find something and there is nothing on the horizon. As a matter of fact, the horizon isn't even there anymore. All my submissions have been refused or not even acknowledged.  I don't have much time before we have some serious financial decisions to make.

Okay..... I said what I've been fearing to say all these months. Now, all I can do now is pray. My faith is all that's left.


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